Arts & Entertainment

A gammon's guide to poetry

AS A Wetherspoons daytimer and West Ham fan, you can trust me when I tell you poetry isn’t just for girls and Scots anymore. But before you write your Ode to Brexit, there’s a few things you should know.

Laurence Fox fails audition to play himself in pandemic drama

LAURENCE Fox has been rejected for the role of Laurence Fox in an upcoming Sky drama about the coronavirus.

Six reasons why movie sex scenes are bollocks

KEIRA Knightley has said she will no longer appear in sex scenes directed by men. But how does Hollywood get sex so wrong, and how could it be fixed?

Five shows you don't need to watch the middle of

PUSHED for time? Bored of all the padding in a typical hour-long show? Here are five you can safely fast-forward through the middle 40 minutes of.

Shit band that will never play Europe up in arms about Brexit visa rules

AN atrocious band that will never play further away than the neighbouring county are outraged by Brexit visa rules stopping musicians touring Europe.

'Bridgerton is my wife's porn', says man who has no f**king idea

A MAN who believes the romp-filled period drama Bridgerton is the closest his wife gets to pornography could not be more wrong.

BBC put on Detention Afternoon for misbehaving little bastards

THE BBC is to ensure the nation’s homeschooled children are disciplined with the launch of free multi-platform punishment content in the afternoons.

New Resentful Compromise TV channel launched for couples

LONG-TERM couples are to get their own TV channel packed with content neither wants to watch but neither particularly objects to.

Woman wants husband to f**k off so she can watch Love Actually

A WOMAN wants her husband to bugger off so she can sit on the sofa and weep at Love Actually without being judged.

How is Doctor Who going to be bollocks this year?

EVERY year Britons settle down to watch the festive episode of Doctor Who and are bitterly disappointed. So how will it be a load of cobblers this year?