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Arts & Entertainment

We ask you: what f**king awful show are you taking to this year's Edinburgh Fringe?

THE Edinburgh Fringe has begun, with thousands of thespians handing out flyers to confused Americans only there for the Tattoo. What show are you taking up?

Paranoid Android, and other songs at least five minutes too long

CERTAIN songs might be quite good if they, you know, ended. Here are some that life is too short to listen to in full.

Six songs with 'sexy' in that are inappropriate for lovemaking

THERE are many songs appropriate for lovemaking, but none featuring the word ‘sexy’. These musical cold showers explain why. 

Half the viewers don't know and the other half don't care: Why we're airing MasterChef regardless, by the BBC

ARE you puzzled by the BBC’s decision to go ahead with airing the next series of MasterChef? Here the broadcaster explains its very sound reasoning.

Whatever you're up to I will find you and destroy you, by Chris Martin

I ALWAYS knew I would find my purpose in life. That being leader of the world’s most insipid stadium rock act was only filling time until I discovered it.

Entire Coldplay audience hides faces in case anyone finds out

Wet Leg, and other indie bands whose novelty wore off fast

JUST because your band appeals to 6Music listeners doesn’t mean you’re more than a one-hit wonder. These bands found their fans’ loyalty did not stretch to a second album.

Hopes rise new Harry Potter can act

Salt Path controversy vindicates man's decision to never read books

A MAN who exclusively watches television feels fully justified in doing so after a popular memoir turned out to be largely invented.

Bruce Springsteen, and other artists who release far too much material

FANS of The Boss are still reeling after he dropped seven unreleased albums a fortnight ago. He and these artists need the locks changing on their f**king vaults.