BOGUS doctors are surprisingly common in the music industry. Here are some who may not even have completed the basic seven years of medical training.
Dr Hook
Despite their full name being Dr Hook & the Medicine Show these American soft rock balladeers are completely medically unqualified, making them a dangerous liability in a medical emergency. That said, it’s possible dreary tunes like Sylvia’s Mother may have some value in anaesthetising patients. And if you’ve accidentally ingested poison, When You’re in Love With a Beautiful Woman may well clear your stomach by inducing nausea and persistent vomiting.
Dr Dre
Around 1984, Andre Young began using the title of Dr Dre despite only being qualified in rapping and mixology from launching his own range of cocktails. Both these skills are irrelevant during major surgery. He went on to find fame in NWA, an organisation that is not regulated by the American Medical Association, and since then his only interest in actual medicine has been bringing out a 1992 solo album entitled The Chronic.
The Spin Doctors
This one-hit wonder have little to offer in the way of medical knowledge. According to their worldwide hit Two Princes, the Doctors would tell their patients ‘If you want to call me baby, just go ahead’, clearly a breach of medical ethics. They also tell the listener that ‘If you want to talk for hours, just go ahead’, a sure sign none of the band are practising NHS GPs.
Dr Feelgood
Despite the name of this 70s British R&B band being a slang term for drugs, or a doctor willing to prescribe them, none of its members had any training in pharmacology. Further proof of their lack of medical knowledge is that their biggest hit Milk and Alcohol was about drink-driving through a red light. Had they been doctors they would have referred themselves to alcohol counselling.
Doctor and the Medics
If you had an accident it would be easy to assume you were in good hands with a GP plus several other medical specialists. You could not be more wrong. Formed during the New Wave era in the 1980s, the band had an international hit and British number one with a cover of Spirit in the Sky, which is what you’d become if any of these medically unqualified glam rock throwbacks attempted a medical procedure on you.
Dr Alban
This Swedish/Nigerian DJ is as close as it gets to a music artist who’s able to help in a medical situation, so long as it’s only gingivitis or replacing a filling. Dr Alban trained as a dentist in Stockholm before swapping his drill for decks and taking up DJing. He briefly had international success in the mid-90s with songs like It’s My Life, which comes with the playful warning: ‘Do not resuscitate’. Which certainly happened to his career.
Dr Beat
When Gloria Estefan realised she had a feeling deep inside of her and she couldn’t control her feet, she appealed for help from Dr Beat. Despite repeated pleas of ‘Won’t you help me, Dr Beat?’ throughout the 80s it appears he never arranged an appointment. Perhaps he’s retired. Whatever the case, Gloria needs to accept that Dr Beat is not coming. Try paracetamol and phoning 111.
