Celebrity

'Gwyneth fanny candle explosion' is a sentence that makes sense in 2021

THE sentence ‘Gwyneth fanny candle explosion’ is one that makes perfect sense to people in the dystopia of 2021.

Piers Morgan's guide to fleeing a sinking ship

READY to put some distance between yourself and the shitstorm you enabled? Let me Piers Morgan, the irritant in Susanna Reid’s peripheral vision, tell you how.

Do you have a chance with Kim Kardashian? Take our quiz

COULD you be Mr Right for the newly single billionaire businesswoman model? Find out with our quiz.

Rich twats still abroad

ALL the celebrities who once tweeted ‘we’re in this together’ are sunning themselves in Mexico and Dubai like the wankers they are, it has emerged.

Spooning in the bath with Dominic Cummings, and other bad dreams of 2020

OUR brains had a lot to process this year so if your nightmares have involved some pretty weird shit, you’re not alone.

'Succulent roast ostrich is served': Christmas dinner with Jacob Rees-Mogg

YULETIDE greetings! There are many wholesomely Christian traditions to which we Rees-Moggs subscribe. If you too want a decent, honest, British Christmas, take heed.

Daily Mail readers not happy until Meghan is working in Primark

UNTIL Meghan Markle is flogging cut-price clothes on a minimum wage Daily Mail readers are not going to be satisfied.     

Here are some actual f**king jobs, UK tells Wills and Kate

BRITONS already weary of the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge’s tour of the UK have suggested actual jobs they could do.

Nigella Lawson and five other people who have never, ever farted

THERE are the disgusting, flatulent multitudes who blow off all the time, and those who roam the earth like perfect, wind-free angels. Here are six of them.

Wrestle a puma, and five other things Laurence Fox will do for attention

IT'S been almost a week since right-wing darling Laurence Fox was in the news for hosting a large gathering. With the oxygen of publicity running low, how will he get attention next? 

Rita Ora's guide to your 30th birthday being more important than a mere pandemic

HI, I’M Rita Ora, the pop star you can’t name any hits by. Would you like to make a ‘serious and inexcusable error of judgement’ like me?

Kirstie Allsopp's guide to a handmade sex toy Christmas

A PRESENT made with love, care and your own two hands is always better than something shop-bought, especially if it’s a sex toy. Hand out these this Yuletide.