'I will do pantomime,' threatens Spacey

KEVIN Spacey has warned Britain that if he is not given major movie or theatre roles within the next six months he will turn up in pantomime.

'Big bike nonces' and other dangers we're only aware of thanks to Joey Barton

JOEY Barton is in trouble again for calling broadcaster Jeremy Vine a ‘big bike nonce’. But surely he deserves praise for highlighting threats we were completely unaware of? Like these.

9am-10am, wargaming Admiral Naval battles in the bath: The King's busy day in full

PRINCE Harry should not take it personally that the King is unable to see him today. His cram-packed itinerary means he does not have a second to spare.

Charlie Dimmock, and other unlikely sexual fantasies Britain was bloody obsessed with

CHARLIE Dimmock has said she has no regrets about an affair in 2001. Fair enough, but was her tabloid-boosted sex appeal at the time actually a bit weird? Here are some more questionable fantasy shags.

Charlotte Church, and other celebs who stupidly didn't stay 12

‘WELSH songbird’ Charlotte Church has announced she is no longer a millionaire. Clearly growing up was a poor career choice that should have been avoided, as she and these other celebs discovered.

Five drunk middle-aged women caterwauling through song was apparently Spice Girls reunion

A BARMAN at a London club has just found out the five pissed women he watched howl their way through a song was in fact a momentous 90s reunion.

Sean Lennon and James McCartney, and other nepo babies you're delighted to see fail

THE children of two of The Beatles have released a terrible, insipid single together. Which other nepo-babies are busily ruining their parents’ good names?