Celebrity

Strictly to ditch the dancing and focus on the homewrecking

THE new series of Strictly Come Dancing will cut the ballroom dancing and concentrate on the contestants’ journey from happily married to adultery.

Kate and William seen boarding Megabus

THE Duke and Duchess of Cambridge have dealt another PR blow to rivals Harry and Meghan by being pictured taking their family to Aberdeen by Megabus.

Kevin McCloud over-budget, living in caravan and pregnant

KEVIN McCloud’s eco-friendly housing project is massively over-budget while the presenter is living on-site in a caravan and eight months pregnant, it has emerged.

Johnson sells Britain to Peruvian drug lord

BRITAIN belongs to a Peruvian drug lord after an ‘accident’ by Boris Johnson.

Meghan Markle or Amal Clooney: who is the most evil?

FOR unspecified reasons, the Duchess of Sussex and human rights lawyer Amal Clooney are the most despised women in Britain. But which has the truest claim to being pure evil?

Which awful poshos and celebs will be baby Archie's secret godparents?

THE Duke and Duchess of Sussex will appoint their son’s six secret godparents this weekend. But who will they be?

The sex swing was in Frogmore Cottage already, says Harry

PRINCE Harry has defended a 360-degree spinning sex swing installed in his royal residence by saying it actually dates back to the 1930s.

Johnson to spend leadership campaign dangling from a zip-wire in Macclesfield

BORIS Johnson is to spend the rest of the Tory leadership campaign suspended 40ft above an Asda car park in Macclesfield.

Kate wears ordinary dress that cost two grand

THE UK has apparently gone wild for a perfectly ordinary, boring dress worn by the Duchess of Cambridge that cost almost two fucking grand.

Buckingham Palace gift incinerator at maximum capacity

THE Royal gift incinerator is working at maximum capacity, it has been confirmed.

See you in six months I'm off to Kabul, says Harry

PRINCE Harry has informed his wife that he has received an urgent military call-up and will return from Kabul in November.

Don't get excited, I've seen it, it's shit, says Kate

THE Duchess of Cambridge has warned Britain not to bother waiting for photos of her new nephew because he is ‘bang average’.