GERI Halliwell has looked at her household finances after her husband’s sacking, faced facts and defeatedly put in calls to the other Spice Girls.
Christian Horner’s shock dismissal from Red Bull means the couple will miss mortgage payments and have the electricity cut off unless his wife digs out her old Union Jack mini-dress and goes back to the life she had hoped to leave behind.
She said: “I never wanted it to come to this. I dreamed I could live out the rest of my days as a respectable woman, never again disporting myself like a painted harlot.
“But Chris has been let go from his position as a energy drink salesman and I haven’t got any other saleable skills, so it’s back in the platform boots and back on stage, grinding out a miserable living.
“The other girls are up for it. Not Victoria of course, who’s gone all proper and pretends she never lip-synched for money, but the Mels need the cash and Emma’s in it for the sheer wanton thrill of exposing herself as usual.
“I’ve been on to our old pimp Simon and he’s booked us a 168-date world tour. There’s still the demand, he says. These new girls can’t satisfy rich older audiences like we do. He’s promised us the Glastonbury legends slot if we shake our asses right.”
She added: “Girl Power. Didn’t really work out that way, did it?”
