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Copying Kate? Meghan spotted also wearing shoes

IN A glaring reference to her glamorous sister-in-law’s signature style, Meghan Markle has embarrassed herself by wearing shoes on her feet. 

The taunting move from the Duchess of Sussex, clearly intended to provoke the beloved royal into a public spat, have so far been ignored by the future Queen who ‘will not lower herself to that level’.

Royal correspondent Denys Finch Hatton said: “She tore the Royal family apart and sent the Queen heartbroken to her grave. Now she’s at it again.

“Her latest seditious attempt to hurt Britain is brazenly sporting footwear – something even the most fervent republican would associate with Catherine.

“The shoes were just a cheap, American imitation of Kate’s signature style. It was obvious that they were a different colour and a different size. Incompetence by her Californian stylists, no doubt, and precisely why Meghan won’t get the bloodbath she’s trying to provoke.

“Her desperation is becoming apparent. No doubt tomorrow she’ll be seen wearing a dress or skirt of some kind, trying to maintain the illusion that she’s anywhere near as elegant, tasteful and kind as the Princess. She’s not fooling anyone.”

Denys added: “But don’t expect anything from Kate in response. This is water off a duck’s back for a woman of her exceptional character. She’ll continue wearing shoes as if nothing has ever happened.”

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Amanda Holden, and other celebs your teenage self is relieved not to have as a parent

AMANDA Holden has treated an incurious world to pictures of her 54-year-old arse, and adults everywhere are glad they’re not her nepo babies. Having these as parents must be hell: 

Jason Statham, aged 57

As a martial arts expert, Statham’s reasonably authentic as action heroes go. Unfortunately, school bullies will feel this raises the question: ‘Reckon you’re hard, then?’ The gap in their logic in using you as an analogue for your dad’s fighting skills will be hard to explain while being kicked in the testicles.

Amanda Holden, aged 54

School is bad enough due to trigonometry, PE and the saturation point of copper sulphate. The added grief of your friends being familiar with your mum’s tits and arse would not help. Every Daily Mail photoshoot to retain her position on Britain’s Got Talent would be followed by a tsunami of obscene and personal toilet graffiti.

Liam Gallagher, aged 52

There’s little evidence Liam has matured even slightly since Definitely Maybe came out. He still talks the same witless rock’n’roll bollocks he did in 1994, and would having a rock star dad still be cool when he turned up at parents’ evenings saying things like ‘Life’s not in books, it’s having a bullshit detector and keeping it real, yeah?’ Or agonisingly cringe?

Gillian McKeith, aged 65

The former TV turd-sniffer’s career means unpleasant playground nicknames are a certainty. They won’t be imaginative because they don’t need to be. At best you’re ‘Dr Shit’s Kid’, but the less witty ‘Shit Boy’ or ‘Shit Girl’ will do. Feeble, but five years of secondary school and it’ll stick for life.

Richard Madeley, aged 69

At primary school you’d get the odd shout of ‘Your dad’s a wanker!’ because he’s on TV. In secondary school your classmates would realise Richard is a reactionary knob spouting Daily Mail-approved Little Englander views, your woke classmates would be outright hostile, and you’d miss out on snogs and heavy petting as a result. Bastard.

Angelina Jolie, aged 50

You return home from school. An unfamiliar child sits in your favourite seat, holding your Xbox controller, playing on your Call of Duty save. ‘Mom, did you adopt again?’ you call out wearily, knowing the answer is ‘Yes’.

Wynne Evans, aged 53

Being related to the Go Compare man obviously puts you at risk of a beating, and a case can be made under the simple moral principle ‘somebody must pay’. That was before the inappropriate behaviour scandals. ‘Thanks, dad,’ you’d mutter bitterly as you spent another lunchtime hiding in the woodwork room with your only friend, a lathe.

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