Celebrity

PRINCE Andrew, banned from Christmas at Sandringham, is to celebrate the season at the house of a subject to be chosen at random.

KING Charles III has graciously invited his younger brother not to attend this week’s Buckingham Palace Christmas party. He should also stay home for these.

COME in! Welcome to my Royal household. Have you met everyone? This is Mr Epstein, this is a spy for China, and these are my other pals. Let me introduce you.

KATE Moss is single and 50, and therefore the perfect match for divorced guys of a similar age. If you’ve carried a torch for Ms Moss since the 1990s, here’s how to finally woo her. 

GREGG Wallace lit up our screens with his scowling, bullying demeanour but he can present no more. Who could ever hope to live up to him?

ARE Meghan and Harry splitting up? Who knows? Who cares? But if they are, here are some tried-and-tested phrases for dumping a male partner without feeling too bad about it.

BOOZY workplace Christmas dos are a danger zone for inappropriate behaviour. Luckily former MasterChef presenter Gregg Wallace is an expert in this particular field. Here are his tips.

DISGRACED MasterChef presenter Gregg Wallace is to win Britain back by lifting his shirt, tensing his abs and demanding they punch him hard in the stomach.

SEETHING middle-class women of a certain age have told Gregg Wallace that the phrase he was looking for is ‘MILFs’.

SIR Rod Stewart is to be knighted again in recognition of his outstanding contribution to brutal online put-downs, it has been announced.