Celebrity

We ask you: how did you survive the Posh and Becks years without going insane?

DAVID Beckham is 50, sending most of the nation into PTSD flashbacks of life under the relentless bombardment of publicity about him and his wife. How did you survive?

You're going to copy my hair and it's going to look shit, says Kate

PRINCESS Kate has informed you that your upcoming attempt to imitate her gorgeous blonde highlights will look awful.

Liz Hurley and Hugh Grant: celebrity couples who should be forced back together to please the public

DOES Liz Hurley’s new relationship anger you, because she should still be with Hugh? Should that be made to happen whether they want it or not, along with these?

We ask you: why were you scandalously left off the guest list for the Pope's funeral?

EVERYONE who is anyone is at the funeral of Pope Francis today, except you. What happened to your invite?

Vatican to replace Pope with series of guest Popes

THE Vatican has confirmed it will replace the Pope with a rotating series of guest Popes in order to revitalise public interest in the office.

I am into woo-woo shit, says Princess of Wales

THE Princess of Wales has confirmed that, like all middle-class women in their 40s, she is now into tarot, crystals, homeopathy and all other spiritual woo-woo bullshit.

How it felt to look down on a planet where you're musically irrelevant, by Katy Perry

BEING in space, looking down at that swirled blue marble that is the Earth? It really gives you perspective. From up there, it’s so profoundly obvious my music career is over.

Five celebrities who must f**king love being described as 'unconventionally attractive'

MOST celebrities are visions of beauty, so ones who are merely quite attractive are regarded as runts of the litter. We’re sure these love being described as ‘unconventionally attractive’.

How can Kanye possibly win Bianca's heart back, apart from stopping being a Nazi?

IT appears Kanye West has inexplicably been dumped by Bianca Censori. But what more can a near-perfect partner like Ye do to win her back? Here are some ideas that might just work.