Celebrity

OVERWEIGHT, wheezing men in pubs expect only the highest standards of beauty from celebrity women. Regretfully, they have noted the following flaws.

A 50TH birthday book created for Jeffrey Epstein of messages from the great and good to their favourite millionaire pimp will make an ideal gift this Christmas.

PRINCE Harry is in the UK and presumably desperate to make up with the Daily Mail, his truest friend. Here’s what he needs to do to win it back.

A HUSBAND has explained to his wife that he would, without doubt, leave her for Susanna Reid at the first available opportunity.

LEGENDARY fashion designer Giorgio Armani has died tastefully aged 91. How will you salute him?

ELLIE Goulding has said the asylum protests made her ‘embarrassed to be British’. And as usual right-wingers are furious a celeb has dared have an unremarkable opinion. Take these...

GOT a type? But sick of being let down by sensitive, poetic English or English-adjacent boys unworthy of your love? Here’s how to drop all that and marry a big-ass bear.

TWO strangers who have no idea who you are and never will have decided to get married, they have announced.

SIR David Attenborough has complained that whenever he says anything at all to anyone, it is treated like he is performing a parody of a nature documentary.

MILLIE Bobby Brown is married and has adopted a baby at the age of 21, in a move that has seen none of her legion of fans rush to do the same. The stars are on their own with these: