Who's stepping back from Royal duties now, bitch? By Prince Harry

LOSING your patronages? Losing your military titles? No more HRH? Well who’s the Royal outcast now, motherf**ker? 

For sale, ski chalet, one Royal perv owner

A RARE opportunity to buy this exclusive Swiss ski chalet has come up. Sale forced due to necessity of settling civil case. One careless, entitled owner. 

Kate at 40: is it time we replaced her with Emma Watson?

THE Duchess of Cambridge celebrates her 40th birthday on Sunday, and our grateful nation is wondering if now is the time to replace her.

Prince Andrew's next six brilliant visionary legal moves to get himself off the hook

HAVING pioneered moves like ‘I don’t sweat’ and ‘she lives in Australia’, the legal world is agog to see what genius loophole the innocent Prince Andrew will exploit next.

Britain has lovely Christmas, apart from everyone self-isolating and Prince Andrew

THE UK has enjoyed a memorable Christmas, with the exception of the hundreds of thousands self-isolating and the Queen’s second son.

Kate to hammer out Chopsticks at Westminster Abbey concert

THE Duchess of Cambridge is to clumsily play Chopsticks on the piano at Westminster Abbey tonight, it has been confirmed.

Musical acts you'd totally expect to see working in Tesco

TABLOIDS love a story about a former pop star in reduced circumstances. But it wouldn’t be the least surprising to see these fronting up the loo roll.

How to quit your job without suffering any adverse effects whatsoever, by Prince Harry

STAYING in a job you hate can be bad for your mental health, so just quit. That’s what I did and here’s how you can too.

The horror of Crazy Frog explained to the under-25s, by a survivor

YOU’LL never know what it was like in the mid-00s. The torture we were put through. The unimaginable horror. But, as It threatens to return, I’ll try to explain.

I’m A Celebrity cancellation officially proves Wales less hospitable than jungle

THE cancellation of I’m A Celebrity has proven once and for all that Wales is more hostile to human life than the deep Australian jungle.