A JACK Russell has insisted other dogs refer to him as a ‘short king’ so he stands a better chance with the hot German Shepherd down the street. 

Two-year-old Milo believes that all his diminutive height needs is a rebrand and he will be scoring with Alsatians, St Bernards and even that up-itself Laboradoodle he sees on walks by the canal.

He said: “What, I’m only meant to try it on with dogs smaller than I am? F**k that. I’m not into Border terriers. Chihuahuas? Do you want f**king chinning?

“No, I’m seeing these fine, thick dogs going past the garden gate and I’m up for some of that action. How dare they judge me for being short. They’re no better. We’re all pissing on the same lamp-posts.

“But because society looks down on the smaller dog they won’t even consider me. They’re too shallow to sense my inner beauty by having a good sniff of my arsehole.

“So from now on me, the Dachshund and that mental Scottie that lives in the granny flat, we’re all short kings. And if they won’t even consider us it’s them that’s prejudiced and should be ashamed.”

Owner Susan Traherne said: “Christ, is he out there yapping again? We need to lop his little bollocks off.”