HE will become Sir Becks when the King knights him, but why not allow Britain’s prettiest dead-ball specialist to fill the gap in the defensive wall left by Prince Harry’s departure?
Stefan Malley, plasterer: “Yes. He’d be the better-looking, more successful, throne-inheriting older brother William’s always dreamt of.”
Lucy Parry, financial journalist: “There are some jobs – awaking sleeping princesses, slaying dragons, touting glass slippers about, that kind of thing – only a charming prince can do. Rapunzel’s not letting her hair down for a bald lad.”
Jack Brown, watch repairman: “I think anyone who scores 15 goals or more for England should be a prince. And Wayne Rooney should be our prince of princes.”
James Bates, mortician: “Could’ve been you, Philip Schofield, if you hadn’t jumped the queue and had a paedophile brother and got fired. Actually, given it’s the Windsors, the brother’s no object.”
Fran Johnson, arborist: “Kate vs Posh, no holds barred. Now that’s a Royal Variety Performance.”
