ELIZABETH Hurley is sixty and still sexy. Are you standing up for Britain by still finding her immeasurably attractive, and if not why not?
Roy Hobbs, bombadier: “As a steadfast Brit, I wank to her every morning while saluting with the other hand. And I wipe my knob off on a Platinum Jubilee tea-towel.”
Jim Bates, sound engineer: “She’s been promoted to the lead photo above Patsy Kensit, Sadie Frost and Cara Delevingne on my wall of Sexy British Women With No Talent For Anything.”
Oliver O’Connor, barrister: “I find her just as gorgeous as Hugh Grant did 30 years ago, which is to say I quite often pick up streetwalkers for oral.”
Helen Archer, osteopath: “Still with the nude photos? What happened to gorgeous actresses getting so into animal rights they go to seed while running a cattery?”
Julian Cook, draughtsman: “Like Joan Collins before her, the glory of it all with Liz is you know that, even though she’s breathed a word of a hint of it, she’s a Tory.”
