Celebrity

We ask you: why were you scandalously left off the guest list for the Pope's funeral?

EVERYONE who is anyone is at the funeral of Pope Francis today, except you. What happened to your invite?

Vatican to replace Pope with series of guest Popes

THE Vatican has confirmed it will replace the Pope with a rotating series of guest Popes in order to revitalise public interest in the office.

I am into woo-woo shit, says Princess of Wales

THE Princess of Wales has confirmed that, like all middle-class women in their 40s, she is now into tarot, crystals, homeopathy and all other spiritual woo-woo bullshit.

How it felt to look down on a planet where you're musically irrelevant, by Katy Perry

BEING in space, looking down at that swirled blue marble that is the Earth? It really gives you perspective. From up there, it’s so profoundly obvious my music career is over.

Five celebrities who must f**king love being described as 'unconventionally attractive'

MOST celebrities are visions of beauty, so ones who are merely quite attractive are regarded as runts of the litter. We’re sure these love being described as ‘unconventionally attractive’.

How can Kanye possibly win Bianca's heart back, apart from stopping being a Nazi?

IT appears Kanye West has inexplicably been dumped by Bianca Censori. But what more can a near-perfect partner like Ye do to win her back? Here are some ideas that might just work.

Elon Musk's guide to karma catching up with you

ELON Musk is on his way out after becoming a political liability. So if you’ve done a lot of bad shit and fear karmic retribution, what is the best course of action? Luckily Elon himself is here to advise.

Hello, I'm a friendless inadequate who finds spiritual fulfilment in calling beautiful women 'mid'

HEY there! You know me. You’ve encountered me online! I’m that guy who gets attention by posting an unflattering photo of a famous woman and calling her ‘mid’.

King definitely not in big nappies, says palace

ANY rumours that King Charles III has cancelled his engagements to stay at home in adult-size nappies are untrue, Buckingham Palace has stated.

Rowan Atkinson, and other celebs you irrationally feel shouldn't be having sex

ROWAN Atkinson’s daughter has been talking about his affair, reminding you he’s one of those celebs you feel should be asexual. Here are some more you're not comfortable with.