Celebrity

EVERYONE who is anyone is at the funeral of Pope Francis today, except you. What happened to your invite?

THE Vatican has confirmed it will replace the Pope with a rotating series of guest Popes in order to revitalise public interest in the office.

THE Princess of Wales has confirmed that, like all middle-class women in their 40s, she is now into tarot, crystals, homeopathy and all other spiritual woo-woo bullshit.

BEING in space, looking down at that swirled blue marble that is the Earth? It really gives you perspective. From up there, it’s so profoundly obvious my music career is over.

MOST celebrities are visions of beauty, so ones who are merely quite attractive are regarded as runts of the litter. We’re sure these love being described as ‘unconventionally attractive’.

IT appears Kanye West has inexplicably been dumped by Bianca Censori. But what more can a near-perfect partner like Ye do to win her back? Here are some ideas that might just work.

ELON Musk is on his way out after becoming a political liability. So if you’ve done a lot of bad shit and fear karmic retribution, what is the best course of action? Luckily Elon himself is here to advise.

HEY there! You know me. You’ve encountered me online! I’m that guy who gets attention by posting an unflattering photo of a famous woman and calling her ‘mid’.

ANY rumours that King Charles III has cancelled his engagements to stay at home in adult-size nappies are untrue, Buckingham Palace has stated.

ROWAN Atkinson’s daughter has been talking about his affair, reminding you he’s one of those celebs you feel should be asexual. Here are some more you're not comfortable with.