LIKE a spy deep undercover, the Princess of Wales sends coded messages to the world via her choice of trouser suits. These are the most recent:
‘I support Victoria Beckham in her row with the Peltz family’
By wearing a £1,340 suit at a British Fashion Council event, Kate was not just wearing something by a UK designer that an aide had laid out for her. She was publicly taking Victoria’s side in the row which has torn the Beckhams apart and fully endorsing Daily Mail parallels between it and the Harry situation.
‘Like you, I believe the only sensible politician in Britain is Nigel Farage’
What else could a Holland Cooper herringbone blazer possibly mean? A tribute to the man who will surely be Britain’s next prime minister was coded into her Tobermory outfit complete with hiking boots, carefully teamed even though she never goes hiking and neither does he.
‘In a previous life I flew a Spitfire’
The Self-Portrait blazer dress Kate wore for the VE Day concert was her way of making an earth-shaking announcement: she’s had past-life therapy, regressed to a previous incarnation and discovered she was a squadron leader with 11 Jerry kills to her credit.
‘I’m hiding a razor blade in here and I will f**k you up’
By wearing a baker boy cap, as seen on popular-with-nutters show Peaky Blinders, Kate was subtly signalling she keeps a concealed blade about her person at all times and will turn sickeningly violent in an instant. Thought to be directed towards Meghan.
‘My father-in-law is a C-word’
A green Alexander McQueen coat? The very same designer who wrote ‘Prince Charles is a ___’ in suits he made for the future King when he was a tailor? The message is unmistakable and was received by its intended target, though the tabloids unaccountably missed it.
‘The microfilm is in the hollow right leg of the front pew of St Michael’s Church, Fort Walton, Kansas’
As an active Russian agent, Kate’s wardrobe choices are made to send specific signals to her handlers. This Petar Petov chocolate ‘The Founder’ jacket reveals where information the CIA has been hiding for more than 60 years is concealed. It also says ‘I hate the West’.
‘Please God get me out of this marriage and this family’
Personalised gold-plated earrings from Ear Sass bore this message in full, which Kate drew attention to by tossing her hair and pointing at them. The media decided to keep this to themselves because the public would not really be interested.
