IT’S increasingly difficult to avoid the tiresome tabloid celebrity drama ‘Beckxit’. Find out how little it matters in the scheme of things with this guide.
What’s the gist of Beckxit?
Brace yourself. Beckxit is the name given to the bombshell revelation that Brooklyn Beckham and his wife Nicola Peltz attended a meal at Harry and Meghan’s Montecito home. Beckxit became even less interesting when it was revealed that Harry and Meghan weren’t even in attendance. Could someone clarify exactly what we’re meant to care about here?
Give-a-shit rating: Zero
Why is Beckxit dominating the tabloids?
Numerous reasons. The so-called ‘summit’ coincided with David Beckham’s 50th birthday, sparking speculation of a deeper family rift. The news cycle is fairly underwhelming now the new Pope’s been chosen and no one gives a shit about Starmer. Any story that bashes Harry and Meghan is good for a few easy clicks. If anything else remotely interesting was happening, you would never have heard of Beckxit.
Give-a-shit rating: Minus 12
What’s at stake with Beckxit?
Practically nothing. There are claims that Harry and Meghan have fallen out with David and Victoria over leaked stories, but they’re so vague and unsubstantiated it’s impossible to be bothered by them – and that’s making the big assumption you cared in the first place. The relationship between David and Brooklyn Beckham may be further strained by the whole media circus, but these people are essentially strangers to you so don’t worry.
Give-a-shit rating: Minus 48
Will Beckxit affect your life in any way?
Absolutely not. At worst you might have to nod and smile your way through a conversation about it while making cups of tea in the office kitchen, and Have I Got News For You is bound to cover it for five minutes. For the majority of people though life will trundle along as usual, its monotony occasionally punctuated by moments of semi-happiness and frequent existential despair.
Give-a-shit rating: Stop talking to me, Lucy. I’m trying to make an Earl Grey.
Does Beckxit have anything to do with Brexit?
Obviously no. If Brooklyn Beckham was a fanatical Farage supporter the nickname might be understandable. But he’s not. As it is, Beckxit is yet another bullshit tabloid buzzword designed to make you furious about a story that doesn’t warrant attention. Use your limited time on this planet to cultivate meaningful relationships with your local community instead. Or online porn actors, frankly.
Give-shit-rating: F**k this shit.
