How to cope with being in love with Lucy Worsley

ARE you hopelessly besotted with TV historian Lucy Worsley? It’s never going to work out, so here is a guide to coping and maybe one day moving on.

How to be cancelled for being a celebrity dick: the Laurence Fox guide

CAREER flagging? Why not get yourself in the headlines by being cancelled, like I did?

Harry placed 110,001st in line to the throne behind Danny Dyer

THE media has demanded that the Duke of Sussex be moved from sixth in line to the throne to 110,001th, behind the Duke of Walford.

How to maintain a low profile, by Harry and Meghan

WANT to live a quiet life? Retiring wallflowers the Duke and Duchess of Sussex give their tips on how to successfully stay out of the public eye.

How to cope with being a pointless Poundland Royal: Eugenie's advice to her new son

EXPLAINING to a baby that, as a second division member of the Royal Family, his life will be gilded and purposeless isn’t easy. Here’s the advice I’ll give him.

Who are you absolutely bloody outraged to see getting the vaccine before you do?

BRITONS queueing for vaccines are livid that the less-deserving are jumping the queue while they sit at home waiting for letters like idiots. Who are you most angry about?

I own everything with my face on, and four other laws the Queen pushed through

THE Queen is strictly neutral on all matters political, except for when she chooses not to be. Here are five of the thousand laws Her Majesty has vetted for parliament.

A diary of Kate Middleton's exhausting parenting during lockdown

THE Duchess of Cambridge has confessed she is exhausted by parenting under lockdown. Here is her average day.

Brexiter can't get over how disastrous Megxit is

AN ardent Brexiter is appalled by what an absolute disaster Megxit has turned out to be.

'Gwyneth fanny candle explosion' is a sentence that makes sense in 2021

THE sentence ‘Gwyneth fanny candle explosion’ is one that makes perfect sense to people in the dystopia of 2021.