International

THE Central Intelligence Agency is debating who will tell Trump that opening up a third front on as many continents is a bit risky.

DOMESTIC extremists lurk everywhere, ready to strike by opposing self-evidently righteous actions taken by president Trump and myself. Here’s how to spot them.

NOT a bad posting, this Greenland one. Cold but you’re inside for most of it. However I do fear that any day now I’ll be ordered to do something really f**king dumb.

BACK in the office? An unusual number of emails arrived while you were enjoying an extended break? Wait, he f**king did what? Shit, what are we going to do now?

AH, Erasmus! Cruelly snatched from us by the Tories under Brexit, but now restored by Labour. So a new generation can discover the delights of scoring Euro ass.

FOREIGN tourists may have to provide five years of their social media history before visiting America. These blemishes on your account could see you banned for life.

AS a proud resident of Alabama who has never even visited New York, I’m an expert on the hellish lives of UK residents. Let me tell you Brits about it.

A COUNTRY which has not managed to penetrate most of its closest neighbour in more than three years is ready to take the rest of the continent on, it has claimed.