International

England really not like in the brochures, discovers tourist

A SPANISH tourist visiting England for the first time has confirmed it is not remotely like the brochures.

Trump found not guilty by a jury of his mates

PRESIDENT Trump has been acquitted by a jury of his supporters, party members and close personal friends. 

The gammon's guide to EU trade negotiations

GOVERNMENT ministers are talking tough on EU negotiations, but are they tough enough for Britain’s gammons? Leaver Roy Hobbs sets out his demands.

Six ways in which Brexit is totally, completely done

BREXIT is done, over, finished and will never be mentioned again. Here’s six ways in which you won’t hear about it.

Entire British Empire restored

EVERY country in the former British Empire has demanded Britain resume full political control now it has proven it is great again.

F**k fishing quotas: what Britain really cares about in the UK-EU trade deal

THE UK is leaving the EU and we have less time to broker a trade deal than to finish the contract for the gym you've stopped going to. Here’s what our negotiators must prioritise.

Six ways to spend your last weekend in the EU

BRITAIN leaves the EU once and for all on Friday, never to look back and never to return. So how are you spending your final weekend as a European?

The world's best cultural sites I'll bomb if you mess with me, by Donald Trump

I LOVE culture. The opera, gallery openings, all these wonderful places you get invited to when you’re rich. However, I’m not afraid to bomb culture to smithereens if I’m disrespected.

The bluff Northerner's guide to the Iran crisis

UNSURE what to do as tensions rise over the Iran crisis? Here bluff Yorkshireman Roy Hobbs explains the situation in no-nonsense terms.

Nobody wants to be the first ars*hole to bring up Brexit

NOBODY in the UK wants to be the first kn*bhead to ruin the new year by bringing up f**king Brexit, it has agreed.

Trump writes furious six-page letter to Santa

PRESIDENT Trump has written an incoherent and angry six-page letter to Father Christmas asking him to end the impeachment process.

Ireland to build bridge to France

IRELAND has confirmed it is beginning work on the Waterford-Caen overpass to link two countries that have yet to go mad.