International

Socially distanced St Patrick's Day: how to have COVID-19-free craic

ST PATRICK’S Day without pubs, inflatable shamrock hats and drunken en masse singing of the Pogues seems impossible. But here’s how to keep the craic coming at home.

Naturally unsociable shut-in Italians taking easily to quarantine

ITALY, a country of uncommunicative recluses who shun physical contact, is adapting easily to nationwide lockdown according to citizens.

Flybe instructs passengers to begin new lives wherever they're stranded

FLYBE has told stranded passengers they can never go home, so they should forget their old lives and begin new ones. 

The Brexiter's guide to bending over and taking it from Trump

ARE you a Brexit supporter who wants any US trade deal, no matter how violating? Here’s how to be fine with a shafting from Trump.

England really not like in the brochures, discovers tourist

A SPANISH tourist visiting England for the first time has confirmed it is not remotely like the brochures.

Trump found not guilty by a jury of his mates

PRESIDENT Trump has been acquitted by a jury of his supporters, party members and close personal friends. 

The gammon's guide to EU trade negotiations

GOVERNMENT ministers are talking tough on EU negotiations, but are they tough enough for Britain’s gammons? Leaver Roy Hobbs sets out his demands.

Six ways in which Brexit is totally, completely done

BREXIT is done, over, finished and will never be mentioned again. Here’s six ways in which you won’t hear about it.

Entire British Empire restored

EVERY country in the former British Empire has demanded Britain resume full political control now it has proven it is great again.

F**k fishing quotas: what Britain really cares about in the UK-EU trade deal

THE UK is leaving the EU and we have less time to broker a trade deal than to finish the contract for the gym you've stopped going to. Here’s what our negotiators must prioritise.

Six ways to spend your last weekend in the EU

BRITAIN leaves the EU once and for all on Friday, never to look back and never to return. So how are you spending your final weekend as a European?

The world's best cultural sites I'll bomb if you mess with me, by Donald Trump

I LOVE culture. The opera, gallery openings, all these wonderful places you get invited to when you’re rich. However, I’m not afraid to bomb culture to smithereens if I’m disrespected.