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Six suitable occasions to confess to cheating on your girlfriend: a guide for Olympians

STUNNED the world by admitting to being a love rat while collecting bronze for the 20km individual biathlon? Fantastic honesty, but save it for these times...

An invading army, and nine other things you could name after Trump and he'd think were brilliant

TRUMP is complaining about a Canadian bridge damaging trade but if it was called the Trump Bridge he would love it. And he’d welcome these too.

Gran likes Winter Olympics because everyone is white and the ice dancing

YOUR grandmother is thrilled the Winter Olympics are back because 75 per cent of the competitors are white and the figure skating is lovely to watch.

We ask you: Which Winter Olympic event could you win without even training?

THE Winter Olympics have begun, and as usual it’s simple stuff you would easily excel at if you lived in a snowier country. Which would you choose?

Everyone Trump is suing for one billion dollars or more and his demented reasons why

PRESIDENT Trump has fired off another spurious and lunatic lawsuit demanding one billion dollars. This is everyone he’s suing so far. 

Did you f**king have to execute 11 people while I was here, Starmer asks Xi

US immigrants moving to safe red states

Six convincing reasons why Trump has a bruised hand, by his press secretary

THE president has the greatest bruised hand in history, and the liberal media’s speculation about it proves what liars they are. This is how he got it.

Welcome to Trump Always Chickens Out: Geopolitical Edition!

HELLO at home, and welcome to a special international imperialist edition of Trump Always Chickens Out! I’m your host Mark Rutte, secretary general of NATO.

'It's a cup of tea people are saying is the greatest ever': Trump exaggerations in real life

TRUMP'S speech in Davos was almost entirely exaggerations and lies. So why bother with the truth in everyday life, which is much less important? Try the following.