Killing of al-Qaeda leader would have been better if Lionesses did it

THE drone strike of al-Qaeda leader Ayman al-Zawahiri would have been more impressive if the Lionesses did it, Britain has agreed.

Six sneaky border rules Europe's imposed just to piss off Brits, by a Brexiter

GOING on holiday’s become a right twat after Brexit. Nothing to do with us – it’s because jealous Euros have made up bollocks rules. Leave voter Martin Bishop explains.

The white van man's guide to going on holiday

TIME for a well-earned break from being the salt of the earth? Here’s how to be bigoted and furious somewhere hot full of foreign bastards.

Do you have fewer rights in America than your assault rifle?

ROE vs Wade has been overturned, so who has more rights in the US: a woman, or an AR-15 assault rifle?

Britain sending 'em back where they don't come from

THE UK has begun its new immigration policy of sending them back to where they do not come from and have never previously been.

Rwanda flight to be six mannequins and Priti Patel

THE home secretary has vowed that tomorrow’s Rwanda flight will go ahead even if it is just six mannequins and her, glowering furiously.

America to ban abortion but give two-year-olds guns

THE US is to ban abortion but, as a compromise, allow all two-year-olds to carry firearms.

Putin gets his arse kicked at Warhammer

VLADIMIR Putin’s forces have suffered a series of humiliating defeats during a Warhammer conflict with a spotty teenage nerd.

How I'd make being deported to Rwanda less fun, by a Tory voter

HAVE you bloody seen Rwanda? It’s like the all-inclusive they give as the prize on Good Morning Britain. Roy Hobbs explains how to make it a proper deterrent.

How to become a non-dom in 11 easy steps

SICK of paying tax and don’t like Britain? Simply become non-domiciled, like Rishi Sunak’s wife and Daily Mail owner Viscount Rothermere. Here’s how: