International

How to pretend your relationship is working now you're trapped in the Algarve for a week

BOOKING a holiday was easy and the flight was painless, but now your dysfunctional relationship is about to be tested to the limit by spending time together. Here’s how to avoid disaster.

Kamala Harris: who is she, and does it even matter?

AS Kamala Harris secures the Democratic party nomination who is she, and given who she’s running against does it even matter? We investigate.

Vice-president to become president or what's the f**king point

VICE-PRESIDENT Kamala Harris should succeed Joe Biden or why even bother having one, the world has agreed.

Biden made decision after communing with the dead

PRESIDENT Biden decided to quit the presidential race after speaking to Lincoln, Kennedy and Washington in the twilight lands of the dead, it has emerged.

We ask you: why are Trump supporters pretending they have head injuries?

TRUMP backers at the Republican national convention copied their hero by wearing bandages on their heads. What is wrong with them?

'Arm Trump': spectacularly wrong lessons Americans will learn from the shooting

THE US is panicking and running in all directions after the attempted shooting of Donald Trump, and prepared to come to the following wildly erroneous conclusions.

Woke Secret Service, woke assassin, woke gun and woke bullets, say Republicans

REPUBLICAN sources have examined the assassination attempt on Trump and ascribed every individual element of it to wokeness.

France to remain complete f**king mess with amazing wine and trains

A BRITON striving to understand the politics of France and the French people has admitted, after yesterday’s vote, he only really gets the wine and the trains.

Our turn to be Europe's far-right bastards, say French

THE French have confirmed that, sick of being the victim, they are stepping up to be the continent’s premier xenophobic nationalists.