International

Population of Luxembourg 'only six times the number of people who voted for Johnson'

CRITICS have hit out at Luxembourg for humiliating our prime minister when its population is only six times the number of people who elected him.

The foreigner's guide to what the f**k has happened to Britain

FOREIGN? Then you’re probably wondering why the mother of parliaments is collapsing like an Albanian pyramid scheme.

Trump backs down on nuking hurricanes 'because it could release three super-villains from the Phantom Zone'

DONALD Trump has ditched plans to fire a nuclear missile at a hurricane after officials told him it would rupture the Phantom Zone, releasing a trio of super-villains.

At least we're only on fire metaphorically, Johnson reassures UK

THE prime minister has reassured Britain that, unlike Brazil, it is only burning to ash as a nation in a figurative sense.

I don't even want Greenland any more, pouts Trump while playing with toy Greenland

PRESIDENT Trump has told Denmark that he does not even want Greenland anyway while sulking and playing with his beloved Playmobil Greenland set.

Irish people in UK admit they're just making up words

IRISH residents of mainland Britain have confirmed they are making about 65 per cent of their colourful language up on the spot.

Government asked if it could just once not f**k up sterling when everyone's on holiday

BRITONS have asked their government if it would mind not sending the pound into freefall right before their summer holidays every bloody year.

Yorkshire should be an independent state, says rest of UK

THE county of Yorkshire should become an independent state, the rest of the UK has urged.

UK given official 'clown country' status

THE United Nations has changed Britain’s status to ‘clown country’, giving us the same international standing as a backfiring toy car driven by a dog in a fireman's helmet.

The Brits' guide to explaining he's not your fault, by an American

HEY limeys. Going on vacation? Not looking forward to the gape-mouthed looks from continentals when you admit your nationality? Yeah, I know that feeling.

'That big blonde lad called you a bunch of nonces' Hunt tells Iran

JEREMY Hunt has told Iran that the big blonde lad over there called them nonces who would not have the b*llocks to officially declare war on Britain.

Is saying 'Go back to your own country' racist or are you f**king kidding me?

IS telling someone non-white to go back to their own country, as President Trump did, racist or are you seriously asking that question?