International
The most annoying bastards you'll meet on holiday
STILL going abroad on holiday? Good luck avoiding infection, good luck in quarantine and good luck avoiding other irritating tourists like these...
Leicester man holidaying in Spain all out of f**king options
A MAN from Leicester on holiday in Spain has admitted he is all out of f**king ideas about what to do next.
Did we say go to Spain? Sorry, we meant 'lose two weeks' income', clarifies government
THE goverment has clarified that when it said ‘go to Spain’ it meant ‘prepare for a fortnight’s house arrest and possibly losing your job’.
Middle-class twats postpone 'holibobs' until autumn
ALL the middle-class twats have decided to collectively postpone their holibobs until October half-term, they have confirmed.
Seven other Russian plots we could be blissfully unaware if we hadn't bothered investigating them
RUSSIA trying to subvert our democracy? Bo-ring. Who cares? Not the Tories. Here’s seven other plots against Britain we should never have looked into.
President Trump or President Kanye: which would be the absolute f**king worst?
THE USA could choose another four years of Trump, or gamble on an even bigger twat by electing President Kanye West. Who would suck harder?
The gammon's guide to going abroad
AIR bridges mean that holidaying abroad is back on, so beet-red patriot Roy Hobbs explains how to make the most of two weeks in countries full of foreign bastards.
Danny Dyer going over there to sort this shit out
THESPIAN Danny Dyer has confirmed he is going to the United States to have a word.
Hydroxychloroquine also gives me the power of flight, says Trump
PRESIDENT Trump has asserted that not only does hydroxychloroquine make him immune to the coronavirus, it grants him the power of flight.
Ryanair to run just enough flights to f**k you over
RYANAIR has confirmed it will schedule just enough flights to ensure absolutely nobody who has booked this summer will get a refund.
English somehow believe Scots will happily welcome them this summer
ENGLISH people dreaming of visiting the Scottish highlands once lockdown ends are also imagining that they will be given a warm welcome.
Governments desperate to find cure for coronavirus before cure for capitalism discovered
GOVERNMENTS globally are rushing to discover a cure and vaccine for COVID-19 before they accidentally find a cure for capitalism.
- How can this dictatorial one-party state survive without supreme leader BoJo, sorry Kim Jong-un?
- Socially distanced St Patrick's Day: how to have COVID-19-free craic
- Naturally unsociable shut-in Italians taking easily to quarantine
- Flybe instructs passengers to begin new lives wherever they're stranded