Six great reasons for Brexiters to join the army immediately

WAR with shifty foreign tyrant Putin is on the way, so it’s time for all those gammons who defeated Hitler by voting Leave to enlist. Here’s six reasons to volunteer.

Invading Russia always goes well so chill, advise historians

HISTORIANS have reassured the world that war with Russia will be no problem because the country is notoriously easy to invade.

We're here to play Wimbledon, say Channel migrants

MIGRANTS in the English Channel are trying to enter the country in order to play in Wimbledon, they have claimed.

Why do all our neighbours f**king hate us? An Englishman investigates

FRANCE, Ireland, Scotland – if you’re next door to England you hate the English. But what’s causing this bizarre phenomenon? Wayne Hayes investigates.

Anti-lockdown riots in Europe making Remainer feel a right dick

A REMAINER who spent five years placing total faith in the wisdom and intelligence of Europeans is watching anti-lockdown riots feeling a total dick.

The Brexiter's guide to the coming trade war with the EU

THERE’S a trade war on the way, and it’s going to be brilliant. Norman Steel explains how we will bring the Hun to his knees by not selling him pork pies.

Five British November traditions that are way better than Thanksgiving

ENVIOUS of Americans for their late November festivities? Here’s five homegrown traditions that will make you glad you were born British.

Seven British things visiting Americans whinge about

AMERICANS have vaguely heard there are other cultures but believe it just rumour. Here’s what they lose their shit about in the UK.

EU to do whatever it takes to make us f**k off

THE EU has announced that whatever it is if it makes Britain f**k off then it is worth it.

UK immigration policy switches from 'f**k off' to 'come back'

THE UK has stopped aggressively telling non-nationals to f**k off out of it and has started aggressively demanding they come back.