International

THE Supreme Court has today decided that Scotland is not a real place and is just imaginary.

HAVING failed to enjoy the promiscuity it hoped after breaking up with the EU, Britain has suggested a friends-with-benefits relationship.

RUPERT Murdoch has told Donald Trump that he will not win the presidency in 2024 as he has another candidate in mind.

VIRGIN Atlantic is dropping its gender-neutral uniforms for the British team’s flight to Qatar. It seems everyone is caving in to the illiberal state, so how can you join in?

CHINESE president Xi Jinping has intimidated his US counterpart by standing right next to him at a G20 urinal, it has emerged.

GREETINGS like-minded English people. Are you an old, angry white man wanting to talk freely out of your arse without fear of contradiction from those too scared to answer you back? Then this is the column for you.

A TEENAGER who wants to wear non-uniform shoes to school is valiantly attempting to make an argument based on girls in Iran refusing to wear headscarves.

THE birthplace of fascism appears to have forgotten how that ended last time and have elected another far-right leader, it has emerged.

THE drone strike of al-Qaeda leader Ayman al-Zawahiri would have been more impressive if the Lionesses did it, Britain has agreed.

GOING on holiday’s become a right twat after Brexit. Nothing to do with us – it’s because jealous Euros have made up bollocks rules. Leave voter Martin Bishop explains.