International

'Let me guess… bribery?' Zelensky asks Johnson

VOLODYMYR Zelensky played a guessing game with Boris Johnson to ascertain why the former PM was in Kyiv this time, it has emerged.

Why Jacinda Ardern was a beacon of hope to the liberal world, by a Guardian reader who doesn't know that much about her

LIKE the whole liberal world that paid no attention to New Zealand until liking the look of Ardern from the stories they skimmed, I have lost a heroine today.

'Motherf**ker' and other American swear words British people can't get away with

BRITAIN leads the world in swearing, until British people attempt to say things that Americans would call ‘cuss words’. Like these.

China experiences first ever protests, says China

CHINA has recorded the first protests in the country’s long and harmonious history, it has confirmed.

Supreme Court decides Scotland isn't real

THE Supreme Court has today decided that Scotland is not a real place and is just imaginary.

Britain suggests friends-with-benefits deal to EU

HAVING failed to enjoy the promiscuity it hoped after breaking up with the EU, Britain has suggested a friends-with-benefits relationship.

'Fraid not, says Murdoch

RUPERT Murdoch has told Donald Trump that he will not win the presidency in 2024 as he has another candidate in mind.

How to pathetically capitulate to the Qatari regime while watching at home

VIRGIN Atlantic is dropping its gender-neutral uniforms for the British team’s flight to Qatar. It seems everyone is caving in to the illiberal state, so how can you join in?

Xi Jinping pisses right next to Biden at G20 urinal

CHINESE president Xi Jinping has intimidated his US counterpart by standing right next to him at a G20 urinal, it has emerged.

A first look at Vladimir Putin's exciting new column in the Daily Express

GREETINGS like-minded English people. Are you an old, angry white man wanting to talk freely out of your arse without fear of contradiction from those too scared to answer you back? Then this is the column for you.