International

Randy, and other American names that make British people ask 'What the actual f**k?'

BRITAIN and America have many things in common, but first names aren’t one of them. Here are some that Brits would never foist upon their children.

Traitor has no strong opinion on Elgin Marbles

A SPINELESS turncoat does not have a furious opinion on whether the Elgin Marbles should be returned to Greece, it has emerged.

Man at least knew where he stood with Ukraine

A MAN is remembering the Ukraine war with a sense of nostalgia because at least that was relatively clear-cut.

Infinite number of Facebook users will eventually find perfect Israel-Palestine solution

AN infinite number of Facebook users writing an infinite number of statuses will eventually stumble upon the solution to the Israel-Palestine conflict.

Man never thought he'd live to see war come to the Middle East

A SHOCKED and appalled man did not think he would ever see the grim spectre of war over the Middle East in his lifetime.

Boston, Massachusetts vs Boston, Lincolnshire: which is best?

AMERICANS believe their country is blessed by God, but how does it match up in a straight head-to-head? We put two Bostons up against each other to find out.

Putin forced to hang out with spoddiest leader in world

VLADIMIR Putin is so unpopular he has been forced to pretend fat, spoiled nerd Kim Jong Un is his friend, it has emerged.

Straightforward British things American twats claim to be baffled by

AMERICANS visiting the UK are astonished by minor physical and cultural differences. They should shut the f**k up about these non-puzzling things.

Donald Trump to commit series of high-profile murders to bump popularity further

DONALD Trump is mulling the possibility of taking up serial murder to give another boost to his 2024 electoral prospects.

No sympathy for bastards stuck on holiday

ANYONE forced to stay a few extra days in Ibiza or Crete because of air traffic control delays is receiving no sympathy whatsoever.