Science & Technology

How to be a kn*bhead about wearing earbuds

THINK wireless earbuds make you look cool? Only until one falls out into your skinny macchiato. Here’s how to be even more of a twat about them.

Mum in WhatsApp group losing her sh*t about missing school jumper

A MOTHER has gone fully apesh*t crazy about a missing school jumper on a parents’ WhatsApp group, members have confirmed.

Parents wilfully refuse to understand what son does for a living

THE parents of a 36-year-old software engineer have once again purposefully resisted understanding what he does as a job.

Has VAR ruined your marriage?

VAR, or video assistant referees, are causing controversy on football pitches. But are they also responsible for your failing marriage?

Stone-cold psycho sitting on bus staring out of window without even headphones in

A MAN who is riding a bus without any form of entertainment is presumed by his fellow passengers to be extremely dangerous.

Man on hold for 20 minutes locked into high-stakes game of chicken

A MAN who has been on hold for 20 minutes knows he has no choice now but to see the call through to the bitter end.

LinkedIn drops professional networking to focus on hook-ups

LINKEDIN has dropped all pretence of being a business networking app and now focuses on no-strings workplace sex, it has confirmed.

How to make a twat of yourself with email and texts

EMAIL and texting are now part of everyday life, but it’s still possible to make an arse of yourself. Here are some of the best techniques.

Just please let me install these f**king updates, begs computer

A MAN’S laptop has begged to be allowed to install softwares updates after being denied for a 153rd consecutive day.

Vaping carries long-term risk of vaporisation

USERS of vapour cigarettes have a significant chance of being vaporised themselves, research has shown.

Relaxation app needs to chill the f**k out

A SMARTPHONE relaxation app really needs to take a f**king chill pill, users have confirmed.

Time speeds up while kids are at school

PHYSICISTS have observed that time passes four times as fast in family homes when children are safely away at school.