Science & Technology

The man's guide to commenting on women's bodies online

IT is vital that women know what men on the internet think is wrong with their bodies. Here’s how to go about this noble work.

The only reasons your landline could possibly be ringing

JESUS Christ, what’s that noise? And where is it coming from? Ah, it’s the landline you’re obliged to keep in order to have broadband. But who could be ringing?

Dad loves pressure washer more than children

A FAMILY suspect their dad loves his new pressure washer more than his children.

Online freshers' week includes drunken Zoom sex with weird guy from course

UNIVERSITIES’ online freshers weeks will include the traditional session of spontaneous awful sex with a loner bloke from your course but via Zoom.

Five future technologies we'll have before the track-and-trace app

IT’S almost September, and the government’s world-beating track-and-trace system has still not arrived. What inventions will get here first?

Stop communicating via GIFs, morons told

PEOPLE who communicate using GIFs have been told to f**king pack it in and string a sentence together.

The grades I gave were right and you're all thick as shit, by the A-level algorithm

YOU’RE probably expecting me, the A-level algorithm developed by Ofqual, to apologise. But I’m only sorry that you’re too stupid to realise you’re idiots.

Female scientist gives up trying to tell male colleagues she found a vaccine in May

A FEMALE scientist who discovered a coronavirus vaccine in March has given up trying to tell her male colleagues.

Female physicist trying to pinpoint exact times of prosecco and gin o’clock

A RENOWNED female scientist has made it her life’s work to establish the precise timings of ‘Prosecco o’clock’ and ‘Gin o’clock’.

Has social media f**ked up your priorities? Take our quiz

ARE your priorities all totally wrong because you live on social media? Find out with our handy quiz.

You're a dickhead until the age of 30, research confirms

NEW research has confirmed that while people are legally adults at 18, they remain immature dickheads until approximately the age of 30.

112-year-old woman claims secret to long life is knowing the difference between 'Reply' and 'Reply All'

BRITAIN’S oldest woman has put her longevity down to knowing the difference between clicking ‘Reply’ or ‘Reply All’ when answering an email.