Science & Technology

If you hold in a burp it turns into a fart, confirm eight year-old research scientists

HOLDING in a burp will result in flatulence, according to Britain's leading eight year-old scientists.

So-called 'women's cars' have no female genitalia, discover experts

VEHICLES described by men as 'women's cars' do not have breasts or a vagina, experts have discovered.

Dipping headlights is for losers, claims git

A MAN who does not dip his headlights thinks he is a master of the universe rather than the worst person the world, it has been confirmed.

Maths impossible

MATHS is far too hard, experts have confirmed.

Man confuses young people by saying he 'taped' a TV show

A MAN has confused his younger co-workers by explaining he had ‘taped’ a TV show to watch later.

Contactless payment leaves bus drivers searching for new ways to be arseholes

BUS drivers have confirmed that the advent of contactless payment means they are frantically brainstorming new ways to be total arseholes.

Son close to murdering mum and dad with six remotes and no idea what they do

A MAN who sees his parents trying to turn on the TV using every remote control in the house is having thoughts of killing them with his bare hands.

Woman unable to write friendly email without shitload of exclamation marks

A WOMAN is trying to write an email without using exclamation marks but also without coming across as a totally mardy bitch.