Science & Technology

The science behind easing lockdown explained, by a doctor out of his mind on ketamine

WHY is the government is taking actions for pandemic level one while we’re at level four but pretending it’s level three? Let me explain while soaring on ket.

Man discovered alive after five years off social media

A MAN presumed to be dead after losing interest in social media in 2015 has been discovered alive and well and living in Colchester.

What pointless shit are you watching on TikTok?

TIKTOK is the surprise internet hit of coronavirus as people attempt to fill the endless empty hours of lockdown. Here are some great videos if your attention span is f**ked. 

87 per cent of pious twats who'd ostentatiously left social media come crawling back

ALMOST nine in ten of the smug arseholes who flounced off social media years ago have come shamefacedly back, it has emerged.

Five stupid lists to share on social media if you're bored shitless

YOU’VE done your favourite albums, films and TV shows. But there are still months of lockdown to fill, so what other moronic lists can you and your Facebook mates share?

Hen do so much f**king better via Zoom

A VIRTUAL hen party was so much more enjoyable than the real thing that it was actually enjoyable, attendees have confirmed.

Woman who hasn't showered for a week disinfecting her phone

A WOMAN who last showered a week ago is carefully disinfecting her iPhone, she has confirmed.

Woman needs at least five screens on the go at once to feel anything

A WOMAN is incapable of feeling alive unless she is splitting her attention between at least five different screens, she has confirmed.

People over 40 regretting adding birth year to their email address

OVER-40s are now wishing they had not put the year they were born on their email address.

New app notifies you that you have no new notifications every 30 seconds

A TECH start-up has launched a new app that notifies you every 30 seconds that you do not receive notifications, saving you checking for yourself.

Sociopath staring directly into camera during Zoom meeting

A DEEPLY unhinged junior accountant is staring directly at his laptop’s camera throughout the Monday morning Zoom meeting, colleagues have confirmed.

Britain struggling to cope with exponential rise in WhatsApp messages

THE UK is not succeeding at flattening the curve of the number of WhatsApps it is receiving, it has admitted.