Science & Technology

UOR – Understands Offside Rule – and other letters plebs can put after their names

IF you’ve got a PhD, an OBE or are an MP, you can put it after your name. But what about the rest of us? Martin Bishop UA, IAR outlines a few.

Ghost

Is your house haunted or are you a gullible idiot?

WAS that a bump in the night, or have you watched too many episodes of Most Haunted? Take our quiz to find out if ghosts are real or you’re a suggestible idiot:

Five loud phone conversations twats are always having

OVERHEARD a knobhead having an obnoxious phone conversation? Here’s what the predictable dick was probably on about.

My busy day, by a scumbag internet troll

HAVE you ever wondered what sort of twat has the time and inclination to abuse strangers online all day? Here leading troll Martin Bishop explains his craft.

Six very obvious problems with believing in UFOs

A FORMER US intelligence director has said there are more UFO sightings than people realise. These are the questions you need to ignore to believe in one.

Six things to not understand about Bitcoin

WANT to know how Bitcoin and cryptocurrency work? Life’s too short for that, so follow our quick guide to really not getting it instead.

Key in door

Key in front door substantially increases the need to have a piss

PLACING a key in your front door increases the risk of pissing yourself by up to 97 per cent, experts have found.

Five people you wish you hadn't looked up on Facebook

HAVE you unwisely trawled Facebook for old schoolmates and exes and been horrified by what you saw? Here are the people best left in the past.

How to survive your elderly parents getting a new phone

ARE you kindly helping your ageing parents get ‘one of these Smart Phones’? Here’s how to keep your blood pressure at safe levels.

Don't read the article: How to write a moronic internet comment

DO you feel compelled to share your gormless thoughts online? Here’s how to sound like the thousands of morons found in the average comments section.

router

Most important relationship in family's life is with internet router

A FAMILY of four have confirmed they cherish every moment they spend with their high-speed wireless router.

'Yeah, there's just rocks and shit everywhere' confirms Perseverance rover

AFTER a nail-biting landing, NASA’s Perseverance rover is now assessing the rocky Martian terrain with a sense of deep disappointment.