EVERY play performed by a school revolves around the single piece of stage technology that school possesses, it has emerged.
Productions taking place across the UK from Oliver Twist to The Crucible to Our Day Out will all contain scenes included specifically to showcase equipment otherwise only taken out to impress parents on open days.
Headteacher Martin Bishop said: “The plays you produce entirely depend on what you once conned the local authority into buying you. In our case that’s smoke.
“We do a lot of Victorian productions so, after a loud hissing noise and an odd sweet smell, a plywood alley can be completely enveloped in mist. We leave it on far too long to get our money’s worth. By the end you can barely make out the stage nor hear the dialogue for coughing.
“A neighbouring school has a strobe, so the action of An Inspector Calls stops for a music-and-movement section set to Chappell Roan because it’s what the cast demanded.
“And at my old school we had UV lights so every play had a cave scene with ghosts. Which you can usually shoehorn into Shakespeare without too much trouble.
“It’s a vital part of the curriculum and once they’ve been exposed to and worked with all three, they’re ready for Ibiza.”
