THE rest of the UK has requested that today’s 33ºC heat in London be viewable on a livestream for their entertainment and pleasure.
As the majority of the UK enjoys pleasant temperatures and perhaps even a light shower, Londoners are sweltering in a hell which could provide unmissable internet entertainment.
Nathan Muir of Manchester said: “We’re owed this after a dry Glastonbury.
“The camera can flip between stalled Tube trains full of the perspiring undead to exhaust-choked streets to boiling parks where they eat pathetic £8 warm salads while pigeons fall from trees around them, killed by the sheer heat.
“I’d have it on a little window in one corner of the screen, where porn goes when I’m not in the office, and draw succour all day from their suffering. I hope there’s a fat cabbie.”
Donna Sheridan of Hull agreed: “I’d like to see them undertake some pitiable leisure activity. Maybe a game of frisbee abandoned to the filthy heat, drinking in a tiny and unusably crowded pub garden, or just trying to sleep with the windows open.”
A BBC spokesman said: “Unfortunately this has been deemed impractical. It’s London, we wouldn’t get through an hour before someone shouted ‘F**k the IDF’.”
