Science & Technology

YOU look at your phone a perfectly reasonable number of times a day, and less than most. The screentime records it keeps are probably wrong, and anyway excusable.

THE world is alive with questions about AI. Will it replace creativity? Eliminate white-collar jobs? Cause war? But nobody has asked the key question: will it wank me off?

YOU know it’s a scam, and that opening it might unleash a destructive virus on your computer. And yet you just can’t help but click on these.

A WOMAN who has been on a dating app for a single morning has received more interest than any man would in his entire pathetic life.

A MAN has blundered ahead and tried to keep a conversation going despite being sent a smiley face emoji.

A MAN has recreated Apple’s new augmented reality headset on the cheap by drinking eight pints, it has emerged.

BORIS Johnson has failed to hand over crucial WhatsApp messages, but can you blame him? You wouldn’t want these messages on your phone to see the light of day.

TIKTOK prankster Mizzy has been in court for confusing ‘hilarious stunts’ with ‘threatening people’. But he’s not the only TikToker who deserves prosecution. You may be aware of these genres.

PARANOID about what internet algorithms know about you? You should be. Based on your bizarre online activities, they have deduced the following.

IS your TV displaying a blustering, pint-swigging prick who has no reason to be on air anymore? Fix it with these tips.