Science & Technology

I can always return it, says woman who never, ever has

A WOMAN has justified her latest costly purchases on the grounds they can be returned for a full refund, which she has never, ever done.

Woman reduces screen time to 94.6 per cent of waking hours

A WOMAN has drastically reduced her daily screen time by several waking minutes, it has emerged.

Panic as friend given phone to see photo starts swiping

A WOMAN who handed her phone to a friend to show her a photo has been gripped with sudden terror as the friend casually began to swipe.

'Why is the sky blue?' and other questions your kids can just f**king Google

SINCE the dawn of mankind kids have tormented their parents with stupid questions. But now you can just point them in the direction of the nearest search engine when asked this sort of shit.

Six technological dead-ends you were conned into buying

THE future comes in all shapes and sizes, and some of those shapes were useless f**king junk enriching Lord Sugar. You fell for this crap...

Dear Internet, no I haven't changed my mind about cookies in the last 72 hours

REMEMBER on Friday when I said I didn't want any cookies? Well I remember, and guess what?

Five panic responses when your contactless card gets declined

YOUR card has been rejected. Here’s how to claw back some fiscal dignity in the ensuing blind panic.

The six stages of having to print some f**king thing out

YOUR printer hates you but you need a hard copy of your boarding pass. These are the six stages of misery you’ll go through to get it.

13-year-old presented with mandatory earbuds to wear for next three years

A GIRL has celebrated her 13th birthday by receiving and inserting the earbuds she will wear continuously until she is 16.

Cornwall no wiser as to what space is

FOLLOWING the failed launch of a satellite mission from Cornwall, the people of the county are still oblivious as to what space is.