Man spends Boxing Day scrolling Tinder from childhood bedroom

A MAN home for Christmas has spent Boxing Day swiping his way through hometown Tinder while lying on the Steven Gerrard duvet he got when he was ten. 

Tom Logan, aged 28, woke up mildly hungover and decided to soothe his head by checking out all the single women within a 15-mile radius of Kidsgrove, like he never could as a teenager.

He said: “Boxing Day is always that weird, bloated post-Christmas feeling. So I thought I’d see if there were any girls interested in a quick hometown hook-up before I return to fishing in the richer waters of Leeds.

“This woman claims to be a curvy MILF living just up the road, but that seems unlikely as all there is up here is the big Aldi. Do they have hot MILFs in Aldi? I guess round here maybe.

“But my mum’s always popping in to ask if I want a mince pie so I can’t really enjoy it when I get sent a tit shot, and it feels weird flirting when I’m a foot away from a half-completed Panini 2010 World Cup sticker album and a full set of Percy Jackson books.

“Eating turkey sandwiches and making awkward conversation with my Nana feels weird when I’ve just asked a girl what she’d do if she was in the room with me right now. When deep down I know the answer is ‘eat turkey sandwiches and talk to my Nana’.”

Lucy Parry of Leeds said: “I know I shouldn’t be on Tinder flirting with some sad Kidsgrove bastard. But I’m bored.”

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True meaning of Boxing Day is internet sales

HUGE online discounts on books, clothes and electrical goods are the true meaning of Boxing Day, it has been confirmed.

The day after Christmas has nothing to do with servants receiving special gift boxes from their masters, and is instead all about furiously clicking on massively reduced internet deals before they sell out.

Shopper Susan Traherne said: “All those old tales are outdated and bullshit. The real spirit of Boxing Day is saving £100 on a Shark vacuum you don’t need.

“Things used to be a bit different, of course. Before the internet you’d have to go out and snap up a half-price fridge in person. Thanks to the miracle of technology though you can now buy a bargain on your phone while taking a dump.

“My husband’s been known to spend whole afternoons in the bathroom buying knocked-down tat. At least that’s what I think he gets up to. I’m never quite sure.”

Deal hunter Norman Steele said: “In the future I reckon people will call Boxing Day something else, like Amazon Discount Day, and nobody will be entirely sure where the name came from.

“Maybe they’ll cook up a crazy theory about how it comes from when delivery drones would give presents to exhausted warehouse workers to thank them for their service. That would be complete bollocks though, obviously it would never happen.”