A MAN home for Christmas has spent Boxing Day swiping his way through hometown Tinder while lying on the Steven Gerrard duvet he got when he was ten.
Tom Logan, aged 28, woke up mildly hungover and decided to soothe his head by checking out all the single women within a 15-mile radius of Kidsgrove, like he never could as a teenager.
He said: “Boxing Day is always that weird, bloated post-Christmas feeling. So I thought I’d see if there were any girls interested in a quick hometown hook-up before I return to fishing in the richer waters of Leeds.
“This woman claims to be a curvy MILF living just up the road, but that seems unlikely as all there is up here is the big Aldi. Do they have hot MILFs in Aldi? I guess round here maybe.
“But my mum’s always popping in to ask if I want a mince pie so I can’t really enjoy it when I get sent a tit shot, and it feels weird flirting when I’m a foot away from a half-completed Panini 2010 World Cup sticker album and a full set of Percy Jackson books.
“Eating turkey sandwiches and making awkward conversation with my Nana feels weird when I’ve just asked a girl what she’d do if she was in the room with me right now. When deep down I know the answer is ‘eat turkey sandwiches and talk to my Nana’.”
Lucy Parry of Leeds said: “I know I shouldn’t be on Tinder flirting with some sad Kidsgrove bastard. But I’m bored.”