FROM the overly saccharine to the hopelessly unfashionable, these lock screen pictures can do serious damage to your street cred.
A meaningful quote
Usually accompanied by the sun setting on a tropical horizon, an inspirational quote is a particularly insipid choice which richly deserves the pitying looks it gets. It’s unlikely that your friends will pass comment though, because that that cursive ‘Never give up’ you rely on for daily motivation has them worried you’re close to the edge.
You like to think it touchingly makes you look like a First World War soldier with a soggy photograph of his sweetheart in his breast pocket. But actually it sends out the message that she owns you like a pet and quite possibly made you upload this dull photo as a reminder of your bondage.
A meme from several years ago
A guaranteed way to mark yourself out as a hopeless old fuddy-duddy. Perhaps the hilarity of a low-res screenshotted Facebook post of Homer Simpson has been an enduring pick-me-up for you, but to your teenage relatives it just means you’re a soon-to-be-dead relic of a bygone era, even if you’re 38.
Should this touching tribute to your pet include some kind of love heart or pawprint filter, you are in justified bullying territory. You no doubt have many pictures exactly like this one which your friends are sick to the back teeth of seeing, and often refer to yourself as a ‘dog dad’, or something equally creepy.
This is unforgivably vain, whether you’re standing in front of one of the Seven Wonders of the World or not. The only people who have pictures of themselves everywhere are unhinged dictators, so you’re either a would-be Stalin or a hopeless narcissist who derives pleasure from gazing at your own shit-eating grin. It’s a handy warning to potential partners, though.
Whatever came with the phone
You’ve opted to leave your phone on factory settings and that nondescript stock image of a mountain range says much more about you than a niche reference to your interests or a personal memory. Specifically, it says: ‘I am dull as f**k, creatively bereft or shockingly lazy.’ You may also have an old Nokia ringtone that makes everyone look for the old codger in the room.