Lifestyle

GOING to Turkey? Boobs, bum or labiaplasty? With vaginal anxiety apparently at an all-time high, women are turning to cosmetic surgery for the smile few will ever see.

SENSIBLE centrist fathers are being rushed to A&E with cases of 11-hour election-induced priapism, it has emerged.

THE tranquillity gained from burning candles is due to a deep, instinctive desire for mass arson, the women have confirmed.

DOGS that do not know any better are being called Luna, Milo and Bella instead of good honest dog names like Rover, Rex and Tyson.

HOT weather is great until you go to the park and realise midges aren’t the only bastards the sun has brought out. But which annoyance makes you most want to destroy the place so no one can ever use it again?

IS your lack of ink hurting your career? Are you being turned down before interview because you haven’t got at least a sleeve? These careers are tattoo-only.

A PROPER hard case is braving the sun with only a small smear of low-strength protective cream.

A CHILD-FREE couple planning an adult, sophisticated term-time break had forgotten their plane and resort would be deluged with screaming under-fives.

DEMAND for adult nappies is soaring, with one in five Britons wearing them. Are you missing out on this convenient new lifestyle option? These are just some of the benefits.

IN PRIDE month, everything and everyone LGBTQ+ gets to shine. Which is why we’re outing these iconic figures from the storied past and you can’t stop us.