Rural neighbours who can't do enough for you a pain in the arse

CITY dwellers who relocated to the countryside for a quieter life find their friendly, helpful village neighbours an absolute pain in the backside.

Sitting backwards on a train will make woman die horribly or something

A WOMAN is unable to sit backwards on a moving train for unspecified yet ominous reasons, it has emerged.

Five futile things twats do when they're stuck in traffic

IN a jam and going nowhere fast? Here are five irrational acts that will have absolutely no f**king effect on your traffic situation.

Having your tie as short as possible: Lame ways teenagers try to pimp their school uniform

TEENAGERS will try anything in a pathetic attempt at rebellion. And as everyone who went to school knows, even the dullest uniform can be used to prove you don’t give a f**k.

I don't know why girls dislike me, says woman who knows she's hot

A WOMAN who knows that she is attractive has declared that she simply cannot understand why other women dislike her.

Heroic feminist ally keeps views about astrology to himself

IN an act of heroic feminist allyship, a considerate man has kept his views to himself throughout a conversation about star signs.

Christmas lights switch-on performed by pissed-off dad

A FAMILY’S Christmas lights switch-on has been performed by a father who has been up and down ladders untangling this shit all f**king day.

Rough as f**k parishioners attending flat-roofed church 

A TERRIFYING church with a flat roof is frequented by worshippers who look like they would shank you just to get a quid for the collection plate.

Photoshoot of newborn could be literally any baby

A COUPLE who paid hundreds of pounds for a photoshoot of their newborn are oblivious to the fact that it could be anyone’s baby.

The parents' guide to being sophisticated enough for your worldly daughter who's back home from university

YOUR daughter has finally deigned to come home for the weekend, only to act too good for spaghetti hoops in front of The Chase. Here’s how to impress her.