Lifestyle

B&Q to host birthday parties for men aged 45 and up

B&Q has announced that men aged 45 and over can make their birthdays truly special by holding them in their favourite aisle of the store.

How it's actually totally cool that you're moving back in with your parents

YOU’RE moving back home but unlike 99.99 per cent of losers, you’re actually hyped about it. Here’s how you justify that shit.

Five f**king nightmare wankers you'll end up sat next to on the plane

GOING on holiday abroad again at last? Prepare yourself to endure five hours stuck next to one of these utter arseholes.

Ferrets, and other pets for try-hard pricks

THINK cats and dogs are too pedestrian to match your fascinating personality? Get one of these animals to demonstrate just how insufferable you are.

Massive deprivation and millions falling into poverty I can live with, but the price of petrol is beyond a joke

PAYING £100 to fill up your car should be a wake-up call to politicians. You’re alienating key voters like me who don’t give a shit about hardship so long as it happens to other people.

Brexit even ruining MDMA now

BREXIT is such an endless black hole of misery that it has even managed to make MDMA less fun, research has revealed.

Five reasons not to move back to the shithole where you grew up

YOU swore you’d never do it, but there comes a point in life where moving back to the shithole where you spent your childhood seems a good idea. Here’s why you should resist.

Do you avoid opening your post, or is there something wrong with you?

NORMAL people stuff official-looking envelopes out of sight, but some freaks immediately face the contents of their post. Take our quiz to find out which you are. 

How to feel edgy and cool at your nice, well-organised, middle-class festival

BOOKED a fancy festival? Convinced you’re the party animal of 20 years ago even though you’re sipping a Singapore sling in the poetry tent?

30 minutes slagging off number five's extension: Your Jubilee street party itinerary

GOING to a Jubilee street party today? Here’s how to make sure it’s the perfect mix of patriotism and slagging off your neighbours.