Lifestyle

IT’S that time of year when Britons go on a cheap package holiday, have a miserable time and moan about it to the Sun. Here’s what foreigners are forcing them to complain about.

A WOMAN who enjoys stationery as an abstract, decorative concept has been disgusted to see it being used for its assigned purpose.

A WOMAN taking a week’s holiday abroad is weighed down by the expectation that it must be a voyage of emotional exploration and self-discovery.

GOOD morning. Today we’re hearing from Johan, who’s dealing with some unusual horticultural conditions because he’s woken up with a f**king ship in the garden.

A WOMAN whose body has adjusted to holding a takeaway coffee in every waking moment is no longer able to stand upright without one.

A MAN has decided the best way to clean his shower is to wash himself in it.

IS YOUR stag or hen do almost affordable? Has the sheer expense not caused you to lose a single friend? You’re doing it wrong. Here’s how to boost the cost.

SUNSHINE means bared flesh and the exposure of bad inking decisions usually mercifully hidden by clothing. These tattoos are both generic and regrettable.

BILL Gates is giving away 99 per cent of his $200 billion fortune over the next 20 years, but how are you going to claim your share?

THE male loneliness epidemic has been traced back to an accidental release of nerdy merchandise from Forbidden Planet, research has found.