How to replace the Millennial slang you didn't understand with Gen Z slang you don't understand

MILLENNIAL slang is out of date and should be replaced by Gen Z slang, apparently. Here’s how to look ‘with it’ even if no one has a f**king clue what you’re saying.

'Stay hungry. Stay foolish': Six patently bollocks quotes that morons live their lives by

THERE’S no one, single way to live your life, but there are plenty of stupid quotes you shouldn’t listen to. Sadly, idiots swear by all of these.

Wanker friend on holiday in Japan

YOUR most pretentious and wanky friend is enjoying a holiday in Japan, it has emerged.

Woman who loses three fingers in accident just glad she has something to tell her hairdresser

A WOMAN who has suffered a life-changing injury is consoled that her upcoming visit to the hairdresser will have fewer awkward silences.

Temu, and other brands which you aren't sure what they are but they seem dodgy as f**k

KEEP hearing people talking about their ‘Shein hauls’ and don’t know what the hell they’re on about? You’re probably confused and suspicious about these other brands too.

Man realises he would have bullied his teenage self too

A MAN looking back on a miserable adolescence ruined by bullies has come to the conclusion that, on balance, he probably deserved it.

Being in a band, and other things that cease to be cool in your 30s

CERTAIN things are the height of cool when you’re in your teens and 20s. But once you hit 30, they quickly become deeply, deeply tragic. Including these.

Man who can't grow beard not letting that stop him

A MAN who is only able to grow a few wisps of hair from the bottom of his face is not letting it stop him labelling himself as ‘bearded’, it has emerged.

Female record shop employee under pressure to be attractive in alternative way

A WOMAN working in an independent record shop is feeling pressured to be extremely attractive in a quirky and unconventional way, she has confirmed.