Man discovers he doesn't have the charisma for shaven head

A BALDING man has been left heartbroken after discovering he does not possess the raw masculine energy required to pull off the shaved-head look. 

£40 Waitrose gin and other Jubilee products that are taking the f**king piss

QUEENIE'S big celebration to mark 70 years on the throne throws up all sorts of opportunities to rip off people with more money than sense. Try these horribly overpriced items.

What those 'Live, Laugh, Love' signs would say if they were telling the truth

DOES a friend have a house full of pukey little signs saying things like ‘Family is where the heart is’? Here’s what they'd say if they were honest.

Even BMW drivers think Tesla drivers are arseholes

TESLA drivers are considered to be wankers even by BMW drivers, they have confirmed.

Five things you can get out of by blaming the cost-of-living crisis

THE cost-of-living crisis isn’t all bad news, except for the Tories. It’s a cast-iron excuse to get out of these obligations.

Hourglass, pear, spoon or bloke: what's your body shape?

DO you think your body is of averagely human appearance? You’re wrong. These are the bullshit body shapes you need to choose between.

The five worst house guests you've ever had, ranked

HAVING guests over seems like a nice idea but the reality is that people are largely rude, annoying bastards. Here are the worst.

We need a big house because we've got a lifetime of shit, explain grandparents

GRANDPARENTS have explained to their children that they cannot sell up and give them all their money because they own so much crap.

Were you a crap lad of the 1990s? Take our quiz

LAD culture was all the rage in the 90s, but it was harder being a lad than you might expect. Take our quiz and see if you didn’t quite live up to the Loaded ideal.

The twat's guide to letting everyone know you're sick of standing in a queue

WANT to make the queue you’re standing in move faster? Here are five tactics that won’t make a blind bit of difference but will make sure everyone else knows you’re a dickhead.