Lifestyle

STILL shaking after paying £90 for a safari park which will entertain the kids for two whole hours? Let Norman Steele explain how he kept his kids happy circa 1985.

NOT every chore is necessary. Many are pointless busywork invented by bored obsessives making problems for themselves to triumphantly solve. Skip these guilt-free.

PORN sites are now requiring proof you’re 18, which means giving out personal details you’d really rather not. Here’s how to hide your panic at having your porn cut off.

HE isn’t only a drug dealer; he thinks he’s a mate. Which means performing an intricate dance of feigned friendship to get what you want. Follow these steps.

A DAD on a family holiday is ticking off activities with the cold, mechanical precision of a minor Gestapo official, it has emerged.

STILL spanking one out at 50? Concerned the frequency of your solo self-abuse is not age appropriate? Our quiz will tell you whether to throttle back or push ever onwards.

A MAN heading to Athens for his summer holiday is brushing up on how to speak English slowly and more loudly.

ARE you setting up tables, chairs and a six-ring gas hob in very limited space at a summer festival? You’re probably being a dick in these ways too.

UNDER the age of 18 and worried how you’ll ever see funbags again when porn sites ask for age verification? Follow these simple steps.

AN 18-YEAR-OLD in Swindon wishes he had hired party dwarves for a Mafia-themed birthday party like Lamine Yamal, but instead went bowling and to Nando’s.