Lifestyle

THERE are neighbourhoods where only wealthy knobheads can afford to live, but oddly you’re meant to care about them. Residents of these areas can piss off.

THE English language is second to none when it comes to words for minge. So what is your preferred term for vaginas, and what does it say about you? 

YOUR elderly parents and the youth of today have little in common, except they choose to watch television like f**king maniacs. This is how they get it wrong.

OI! MATE! Yeah you, across the street. Having trouble meeting birds? Sad bastard. Here’s how to tell her you’re emotionally available by shouting from three storeys up.

LIKE their ancestors, today’s potential brave young conscripts will be fighting for what makes Britain great. And that includes these beacons of freedom and democracy.

LEATHER sofas are only owned by parents and perverts who need wipe-clean furniture, retailers have confirmed.

EVERY other bird in Britain has admitted that the foul-mouthed parrots of Lincolnshire speak for them all.

IF the chance of getting it right is 50-50 it should happen half of the time. Instead, in these incidences it seems the odds are always against you.

A MAN going on a men’s night out that could conceivably end up in a nightclub has taken the sensible precaution of wearing trainers.

A WOMAN’S unruly crotch is a deliberate rewilding scheme and not a sign or laziness of neglect, she has asserted.