Man hit by wave of 50th birthday parties

A MAN who thought his days of attending large social events were over has been deluged by unwelcome invites to 50th birthday celebrations.

Man suspicious of tattooist with zero tattoos

A MAN is reconsidering his decision to get a tattoo after noticing that the tattooist had decided not to get any herself.

Man describing OnlyFans as ethical, artisanal porn

A MAN has confirmed that he prefers OnlyFans to sites like Pornhub because it provides him with ethical, artisanal porn.

'Socks and Crocs, mullet, T-shirt tucked into joggers, looking good,' thinks teenager

A TEENAGER thinks he looks the business despite sporting the kind of outfit his mum would expect her own father to wear to do the garden.

Middle-class families on condescending British holidays

MIDDLE-class families who spent two weeks abroad in summer have deigned to visit British holiday resorts this half-term.

Driving through a car wash: Six thrilling experiences that would traumatise children today

IN the olden days, life was was more exciting for kids due to your embarrassingly low expectations. Having said that, some activities would leave a child of today needing counselling. Like these.

Woman worried she is a terrible mother actually is

A WOMAN who worries about being a bad mother absolutely is one, her friends have confirmed. 

35-year-old man can't be bothered to get into new porn

A MAN in his mid-30s is content to keep consuming the porn he fell in love with during his formative years.

Fancy notepads: Things you spent a bloody fortune on which are 'too nice to use'

SPENT a stupid amount of money on a theoretically functional item? Here are some things that you will never dare to use and resent for it.

Man follows dick instinct rather than gut instinct

A MAN decided to follow the instinct of his dick rather than his gut when making an important decision.