Taking out the rubbish and other things that make you wish you were f**king rich

THERE are some things in life you wish you were loaded enough to pay someone else to deal with. These will make you angry you're not a millionaire.

'Did I lock the door?' and five other things to be paranoid about all day

LIFE is a never-ending trauma of worry and paranoia. Here are some things that will eat away at you all day long. Enjoy thinking about them.

Five things you'll take on holiday but never f**king use

HOLIDAYS are tedious exercises in over-preparation that cost you a fortune. Here are five items you pack every year and never f**king touch.

Running the hoover round before the cleaner arrives, and other pointless female obsessions

WOMEN identify all sorts of essential tasks mere men simply cannot grasp the point of. Here are five prime examples.

The five things you break down and buy in a fit of madness at IKEA

Going to IKEA? You’ll end up leaving with nothing that you came for and a heap of junk you don't need. Here are five big offenders.

Check-in 10pm, check-out 4am and other unreasonable rules of your holiday accommodation

FINDING a holiday home in the time of Covid is not only a coup but also a massive faff, involving more inconvenient rules than ever, like these.

Middle-class family still in wetsuits two weeks after holiday

A MIDDLE-CLASS family who returned from Cornwall a fortnight ago are still all wearing wetsuits, friends have confirmed.

Arsehole to spend rest of 2021 boasting that she went abroad

A WOMAN just back from Majorca has confirmed she will spend the remainder of the year going on about it to everyone.

Sleeve tattoos and other ways for soft lads to look a bit hard

ARE you a man with the misfortune to be born with a kind face and an enduring love of your mum? Here's how to develop some edge.

Six arsehole types still worth putting up with as friends

BORING, smug twats might not be your ideal choice as friends, but here are six it's worth chumming up to purely for what you can get out of them.