Lifestyle

How to injure yourself when drunk

AVOIDING harm is part of everyday life. Here’s how to ignore your innate caution and get horrible injuries because you’re pissed.

Man hoovers entire room without disturbing a single object

A MAN has successfully run the vacuum cleaner around his entire bedroom without moving a single item on the floor.

The five rapidly worsening stages of having a spring clear-out

FROM starting out enthusiastically to wondering if the best solution is just to burn the house down, here are all the stages in having a spring clear-out.

Six types of pub you should avoid like the f**king plague

EXCITED to be back down the pub? Just make sure you don’t go to any of these hellish watering holes.

19 things middle-class twats always have in their houses

ARE you a middle-class ponce with a property portfolio? Check off this list of things you undoubtedly already own.

Five things women are allowed to say and do that men aren't

EQUALITY has come such a long way that women barely need to worry their pretty little heads about it anymore. They can even say and do these things that men aren’t allowed to.

Five childhood things that turned you into a nerd

HAVE you suffered all your life from being a bit of a nerd? Here are the childhood influences that condemned you to a life of dorkiness.

Things you should hide before someone you fancy comes over

IS your home full of possessions that might be off-putting to a potential partner? Here are some items you should definitely hide before they come over.

Schrodinger's cat, curate's egg and other idioms insufferable wankers use to sound clever

HAS some knobhead just dropped ‘Occam’s razor’ into conversation and then given you a supercilious glance? Here’s what they meant.

Why I whine, by your dog

YOU have accommodated for my every possible need, yet still I whine. Why? The answer is not so simple, human one.