Lifestyle

Fanny, growler, minge: What your choice of word for vaginas says about you

THE English language is second to none when it comes to words for minge. So what is your preferred term for vaginas, and what does it say about you? 

Playing shows at 1.5x speed: the weird ways boomers and Gen Z watch TV

YOUR elderly parents and the youth of today have little in common, except they choose to watch television like f**king maniacs. This is how they get it wrong.

How to chat up birds: dating advice from a scaffolder

OI! MATE! Yeah you, across the street. Having trouble meeting birds? Sad bastard. Here’s how to tell her you’re emotionally available by shouting from three storeys up.

Naked Attraction and TikTok dances: Six things brave conscripts will be fighting for

LIKE their ancestors, today’s potential brave young conscripts will be fighting for what makes Britain great. And that includes these beacons of freedom and democracy.

Leather sofas only owned by parents and perverts

LEATHER sofas are only owned by parents and perverts who need wipe-clean furniture, retailers have confirmed.

Every other bird jealous of swearing parrots

EVERY other bird in Britain has admitted that the foul-mouthed parrots of Lincolnshire speak for them all.

Opening paracetamol at the leaflet end: six 50-50 chances that never work out in your f**king favour

IF the chance of getting it right is 50-50 it should happen half of the time. Instead, in these incidences it seems the odds are always against you.

Man with no desire to go to nightclub deliberately wears trainers on night out

A MAN going on a men’s night out that could conceivably end up in a nightclub has taken the sensible precaution of wearing trainers.

Woman rewilding groin

A WOMAN’S unruly crotch is a deliberate rewilding scheme and not a sign or laziness of neglect, she has asserted.

Lame, crazy and other words desperately offensive to your Gen Z teen

THE vocabulary you use around your teenager must be interpreted as ungenerously as possible because you personally are the patriarchy and racism, mum. Avoid these: