Lifestyle

Suella Braverman enjoying 'fascist girl summer' in America

SUELLA Braverman is feeling confident and prioritising her own happiness this summer by going to America and saying mental things.

Does your vulva need a facelift? asks the Mash sex columnist

GOING to Turkey? Boobs, bum or labiaplasty? With vaginal anxiety apparently at an all-time high, women are turning to cosmetic surgery for the smile few will ever see.

Centrist dads suffering life-threatening erections

SENSIBLE centrist fathers are being rushed to A&E with cases of 11-hour election-induced priapism, it has emerged.

Candles soothe our lust to burn the world, say women

THE tranquillity gained from burning candles is due to a deep, instinctive desire for mass arson, the women have confirmed.

Most popular dog names are now hippy bullshit

DOGS that do not know any better are being called Luna, Milo and Bella instead of good honest dog names like Rover, Rex and Tyson.

Bellends in your local park now it's sunny, ranked from worst to best

HOT weather is great until you go to the park and realise midges aren’t the only bastards the sun has brought out. But which annoyance makes you most want to destroy the place so no one can ever use it again?

Chef, footballer, barista: six careers where tattoos are now compulsory

IS your lack of ink hurting your career? Are you being turned down before interview because you haven’t got at least a sleeve? These careers are tattoo-only.

Hard nut only using SPF30

A PROPER hard case is braving the sun with only a small smear of low-strength protective cream.

Smug child-free couple on term-time break beset by thousands of screaming toddlers

A CHILD-FREE couple planning an adult, sophisticated term-time break had forgotten their plane and resort would be deluged with screaming under-fives.

Adult nappies: are you missing out?

DEMAND for adult nappies is soaring, with one in five Britons wearing them. Are you missing out on this convenient new lifestyle option? These are just some of the benefits.