Lifestyle

A WOMAN’S unruly crotch is a deliberate rewilding scheme and not a sign or laziness of neglect, she has asserted.

THE vocabulary you use around your teenager must be interpreted as ungenerously as possible because you personally are the patriarchy and racism, mum. Avoid these:

A MAN who recently hit 40 has somehow managed to do so without taking on anything that could be considered a responsibility.

A COUPLE claim that having to wear a bobble hat indoors all day is a desirable feature of their draughty old house.

THERAPISTS have admitted that counselling is little more than being paid loads to listen to people slag off friends and family behind their backs.

A MAN who sidled up to a group of friends and started dancing at them is now an indispensable and valued member of the group. 

IT is too early to tell if a woman’s nose ring is a sign she is really cool or a warning to not even think about a relationship with her.

WETHERSPOONS has announced plans to open branches in Haven holiday parks. It’s a good start, but there are many more places where patriotic, booze-loving Brits would like to see a Spoons.

CAR iced up? No de-icer or scraper? Follow my advice and you’ll be back at the wheel in moments, using nothing but your own tool.

A WOMAN listening to her friend’s woes has stopped her to explain how she would have dealt with the situation far more effectively.