Lifestyle

GOING on holiday? Cunningly preparing your house so burglars will believe it’s occupied and go home with swag bags empty? They’ll never expect this.

A WOMAN has vowed to be a good ally by being bisexual for the entirety of Pride month.

IT’S that time of year when Britons go on a cheap package holiday, have a miserable time and moan about it to the Sun. Here’s what foreigners are forcing them to complain about.

A WOMAN who enjoys stationery as an abstract, decorative concept has been disgusted to see it being used for its assigned purpose.

A WOMAN taking a week’s holiday abroad is weighed down by the expectation that it must be a voyage of emotional exploration and self-discovery.

GOOD morning. Today we’re hearing from Johan, who’s dealing with some unusual horticultural conditions because he’s woken up with a f**king ship in the garden.

A WOMAN whose body has adjusted to holding a takeaway coffee in every waking moment is no longer able to stand upright without one.

A MAN has decided the best way to clean his shower is to wash himself in it.