Lifestyle

Five Christmas cracker toys vets will recover from your pet's stomach for £465

CRACKERS add some levity to Christmas meals, until your pet swallows these toys and you have to pay a fortune for surgery.

How your primary school nativity part predicted your disappointing future

WERE you an angel on high, a king in finery, a mute shepherd or livestock? Here’s how your nativity role predicted your future.

Christmas presents of yesteryear you're still bitter about not getting

AS an adult you know that family and friends are the true meaning of Christmas. But you’re still mentally scarred by never receiving these gifts.

The crafty bastard's guide to regifting your Christmas presents

RECEIVED an unwanted Christmas present? Pass it on to someone you hate with these regifting tips.

The right and wrong times to have a Christmas wank

THE world doesn’t shut down for Christmas, and nor does your libido. But when are the best and worst times to have a festive one off the wrist?

Big shot who lives in London swanning around mundane hometown for Christmas

A MAN who lives in London is spending the holidays walking around the town he grew up in as if he is king of it.

F**king New Year still f**king on

THE nation’s partygoers are cursing the government’s refusal to lock down because it means f**king New Year is still f**king happening. 

It might not piss with rain, and other reasons it would be better to have Christmas in June

CHRISTMAS Day would be way better if we were having a barbecue in the garden. Here are some good reasons why it should be moved:

Seven shitty things that always happen on the train journey to your parents'

PLANNING a last-minute rail journey to spend Christmas with your folks? Don’t forget some Valium, as these panic-inducing problems are guaranteed to occur:

How to f**k up wrapping a Christmas present in 16 easy steps

WRAPPING time is here again, and so is lifestyle influencer Carolyn Ryan’s guide to the perfect department-store wrapped parcel. Follow these steps.