Lifestyle

THE UK’s debts and historically high tax levels could leave households unable to buy whatever they fancy, according to a new report.

KNOCKING over skittles while wearing silly shoes is a uniquely depressing activity reserved for the most tragic occasions. Including these.

THE gifts of the internet are many: email, wide access to troubling pornography and something to do on buses. But these phrases are not to be employed offline.

ETON is charging an extra 20 per cent and the rest of the country’s exclusive twat farms will surely follow, forcing the well-heeled to forgo these basic needs.

A MAN who grudgingly bought a round will stay out and drink more than he wanted to purely to make his money back, he has confirmed.

EVERY man has a bucket list of achievements he dreamed of as a boy before bowing to societal pressure and pretending he meant a threesome. These are his true wants.

A GROUND-BREAKING gay man is breaking the mould of well-dressed, hilarious and fascinating gay guys by being absolutely none of those things.

A GROWN man thinks it is cute for him to refer to weekday evening as ‘school nights’, it has emerged.

A RESEARCH team has concluded that astrology is real and Virgos are total arseholes to a man.

WOMEN have admitted they demand large diamond rings because they are an unignorable warning to annoying wankers trying to chat them up.