The parents' guide to being sophisticated enough for your worldly daughter who's back home from university

YOUR daughter has finally deigned to come home for the weekend, only to act too good for spaghetti hoops in front of The Chase. Here’s how to impress her.

Man-bun replaces combover as best baldness-hiding hairstyle

THE man-bun is now the most popular hairstyle choice for desperate men who are fighting a losing battle with baldness.

The swimming pool changing room, and other agonising places to bump into an acquaintance

MET someone you sort of know while wearing a scrap of wet lycra and nothing else? You’ll hate seeing them in these other places too.

Covid inquiry to look into your lockdown wanking next

THE Covid inquiry will turn its attention to your self-love habit during lockdown next, it has announced.

Six people who are far, far too into Christmas already

HATING Christmas is going too far, even this early, but loving it as much as these psychopaths do comes close to pushing you over the line.

Teen thinks wildly popular band from 20 years ago is underground and alternative

A TEENAGER believes his fandom of a band that was hugely popular two decades ago makes him cool and alternative.

Local death yields excellent haul at charity shop

THE unfortunate death of a local resident has provided a charity shop with an excellent selection of secondhand books, clothes and records, it has emerged.

New fake nails render girlfriend unable to perform simplest task

A WOMAN has nails so long that she is completely reliant on her boyfriend to perform everyday tasks for her.

Tourists think going clubbing in central London will be fun

A GROUP of Americans visiting London for the first time believe nightclubs in central London will be hip and fun.

'I tried my first pumpkin spice latte aged 80. Now I'm wearing Uggs, listening to Taylor Swift and I've got a man bun'

‘WHAT harm can it do?’ I asked myself. ‘It’s just a drink.’ If I knew then what I know now, I would never have taken that first fatal sip.