Sausage, chips and beans for tea: Five things grown men still get inexplicably excited by

DESPITE growing up, owning a home and starting a family, nothing gives men greater joy than certain types of utterly stupid shit. Here are just five examples.

Traffic cones, and other pathetic things everyone steals as a rite of passage

STEALING is wrong. That said, here are five things you, and absolutely everyone else, stole at some point while you were growing up.

It's all covered in dog piss, and other reasons why foraging is a terrible idea

THINK you’re going to make some lovely, organic pesto from that wild garlic you foraged? You won’t, because it will have the added ingredient of dog urine. Here are some other reasons:

The soft-as-shite bloke's guide to avoiding violence

DO you sometimes wish you could resort to violence like Will Smith? Sadly, the option’s unavailable for those not hard in any way. Here’s the reality.

How to get that low-effort, barely-there make-up look in 24 easy steps

CRAVING that simple, natural, no make-up look? Let beauty expert Carolyn Ryan guide you through with this straightforward 24-step guide.

'Is £100k a good salary for a 27-year-old?' How to be a personal finance wanker

CONCERNED that not everyone in the UK knows about your high income? Why not kick up a massive fuss about it?

Five good pets for children in order of how long they'll last

ARE your annoying children endlessly pestering you for a pet? Here are five options in order of how soon they’ll croak.

Couple with newborn vow they'll stay cool and fun and deluded

A COUPLE have sworn that their newborn baby will not change their cool, fun, and completely out of touch with reality personalities.

Six fun weekend plans you'll come to regret when the day arrives

SCHEDULING in some weekend fun is a great idea until you have to see the plan through. Here are the activities you’ll hate yourself for when doomsday arrives.

Passing your driving test first time and other achievements twats need to get over

SOME achievements should be proudly cherished forever. Then there are these accomplishments which idiots need to shut up about.