Green tea and other things we're pretending aren't totally disgusting

SOME things in life are clearly disgusting, like racism or Michael Gove jogging. But some things we like to pretend aren’t. Such as these:

How have you squandered 15 months of free money?

THE furlough scheme starts winding down today, meaning the end of 15 months of being paid for doing f**k all. But how did you squander the opportunity of a lifetime? 

11 things to think about instead of going to f**king sleep

THERE is nothing more annoying than lying awake in bed wide awake because your brain won’t shut the f**k up. You’re probably thinking about some of these things... 

What to do if your partner's into superstitious bullshit

IS your partner into tarot, astrology or other superstitious crap? Here’s how not shout ‘it’s all bollocks’ right at them.

A commissioned dog portrait, and other mad household shit mums have

VISITING your mum? Suddenly noticed her house is filled with mad stuff you’d never find anywhere else? Look out for these key pieces.

Everyday hero courageously accepts she will not go abroad this summer

A MODERN-DAY martyr has stoically come to terms with the fact she will not be having a European beach holiday this summer.

Six useless ways you tried to hide the smell of weed as a teenager

DID you think a spray of Lynx Africa in a bedroom that pungently stank of weed helped? It didn’t. No doubt you tried these other tricks too:

Thinking pubs are too loud, and other real milestones of ageing

WHILE society might encourage you to mark the passing of time with birthdays, here are the real signs that you’re knocking on in years.

Five things still under a fiver

THANKS to inflation and quantative easing everything costs bloody loads now. These are the last five things you can still pick up for a fiver.

Five things that will shatter your hopes of a lie-in

EXHAUSTED and looking forward to an extra hour in bed? Here’s five reasons why it won’t happen this or any other weekend.