Nine lives wasted on cat

A CAT that spends 18 hours a day asleep on an armchair is in no need of an additional eight lives, observers have confirmed.

32-year old woman still not sure of bra size

A woman who has been wearing a bra for 17 years still has absolutely no idea what size she is.

How to make going to the seaside less working-class

FANCY the seaside but fear being surrounded by common plebs? Middle-class person Nathan Muir explains how to avoid them.

Five useless pieces of trivia your brain will never forget

THE human brain is a complex organ capable of amazing things. Unfortunately all yours does is retain this utterly useless trivia.

Green tea and other things we're pretending aren't totally disgusting

SOME things in life are clearly disgusting, like racism or Michael Gove jogging. But some things we like to pretend aren’t. Such as these:

How have you squandered 15 months of free money?

THE furlough scheme starts winding down today, meaning the end of 15 months of being paid for doing f**k all. But how did you squander the opportunity of a lifetime? 

11 things to think about instead of going to f**king sleep

THERE is nothing more annoying than lying awake in bed wide awake because your brain won’t shut the f**k up. You’re probably thinking about some of these things... 

What to do if your partner's into superstitious bullshit

IS your partner into tarot, astrology or other superstitious crap? Here’s how not shout ‘it’s all bollocks’ right at them.

A commissioned dog portrait, and other mad household shit mums have

VISITING your mum? Suddenly noticed her house is filled with mad stuff you’d never find anywhere else? Look out for these key pieces.

Everyday hero courageously accepts she will not go abroad this summer

A MODERN-DAY martyr has stoically come to terms with the fact she will not be having a European beach holiday this summer.