Lifestyle

A FAMILY on an excursion abroad have admitted they are too middle-class to sully themselves by deriving pleasure from it.

A MAN who has felt sluggish and groggy every morning for the last 20 years has been stunned to learn that getting more sleep makes him perkier.  

SHARING interminable and exaggerated anecdotes about drug experiences is to be made a criminal offence, it has emerged.

IN A crowded field of shameful dork hobbies, there is still a top dog. Dr Helen Archer details the subtle hierarchy which makes one nerd feel superior to another.

A TRAIN ticket that cost more than £100 had better get checked by either a guard or a barrier or preferably both.

SUELLA Braverman is feeling confident and prioritising her own happiness this summer by going to America and saying mental things.

GOING to Turkey? Boobs, bum or labiaplasty? With vaginal anxiety apparently at an all-time high, women are turning to cosmetic surgery for the smile few will ever see.

SENSIBLE centrist fathers are being rushed to A&E with cases of 11-hour election-induced priapism, it has emerged.

THE tranquillity gained from burning candles is due to a deep, instinctive desire for mass arson, the women have confirmed.

DOGS that do not know any better are being called Luna, Milo and Bella instead of good honest dog names like Rover, Rex and Tyson.