Suella Braverman enjoying 'fascist girl summer' in America

SUELLA Braverman is feeling confident and prioritising her own happiness this summer by going to America and saying mental things.

While the rest of the Tories lick their election wounds in London, Braverman has stepped into her own power by travelling to the US and making speeches even Sir Oswald Mosley would have thought twice about.

A source close to Braverman said: “Suella’s up for a good time this summer, and she’s really leaning into her freedom from the government by being unapologetically herself. And that means going to a National Conservatism conference and mendaciously equating Pride with child mutilation.

“She’s feeling fierce, you know? She’s being a bad bitch. And we’re not talking metaphorically here, she’s literally being evil. Her vibe for July is disgusting homophobia and transphobia, and she’s the life and soul of the party. Not the Tory party, obviously. They’re dead.

“What’s next for Suella? The sky’s the limit. She’s going to be out there living her best life. Which probably means being expelled from the Conservatives for being an unhinged extremist and joining Reform UK.

“You go girl!”

Voter Nikki Hollis said: “Kemi Badenoch thinks Suella is having a nervous breakdown rather than a fascist girl summer. But they’re probably much the same thing.”

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VAR: a reassessment

VAR awarding teams with undeserved penalties: is it actually a net positive? A reassessment.

VAR has been much-maligned in the few years since it was introduced, but now it seems all England is wondering if it is really so bad.

Yes, there have been a few minor title- and relegation-deciding errors at club level, but does club football really matter so much in the scheme of things? Is there not a bigger, international, picture to see?

It undoubtedly makes football more gripping for spectators. Imagine a dull game in which one team have scored and their opponents, demoralised and upset, let the clock run down and disappointingly go out of a major tournament.

Now imagine that same game revitalised by an equaliser, closely fought until the thrilling end with a world-class winner in the 90th minute. Which is better? Exactly.

VAR is about fairness, and should we not endeavour to be as fair as is possible? Why not take the search for a clear and obvious error in the box, for example, down to the nanometer level if that’s what it takes?

And if the result is undetectable to the naked eye, who are we fragile creatures to doubt our omniscient, benevolent arbiter? Can we not merely rejoice?

In conclusion, VAR is infallible, kind, a redresser of cosmic imbalance and a friend to all. How wise it was in the 18th minute last night.