Lifestyle

The Clarks foot gauge: Experiences too good to be wasted on your kids

CHILDREN are too stupid to know a good thing when they see it. These childhood experiences should really be restricted to discerning adults like you.

7am gym soundtrack exclusively songs about f**king

A GYM’S early-morning soundtrack for busy professionals exercising before work is entirely focused on sex, regulars have uncomfortably noted.

'Mummy had a wee on the road': Things your kids will remember about their incredibly expensive holiday

WHETHER you splashed out on a Caribbean cruise or spaffed thousands on Center Parcs, these are the only holiday memories your children will take with them into adulthood.

A cheeky E and shagging the barman: Five rules everyone happily breaks while on holiday

HOLIDAYING abroad also means taking a break from your moral code. Here are five personal rules everybody thinks nothing of flouting while away.

Coasters, and other cheapskate things to get away with buying from a wedding registry

BEING forced to splash cash on people who already have enough money for a fancy wedding? Here are the stingiest options.

Nine common problems that can be solved by moving the f**k out of London

CAN’T afford a house? Can’t afford a meal out? Travelling six miles takes two hours and costs you £40? Have you considered getting the f**k out of London?

Middle class woman tries to recreate excitement of foreign supermarket by going to Aldi

A MIDDLE-CLASS woman has attempted to relive visiting a French supermarket by shopping at her local rustic, peasant-filled Aldi in Worcester.

Should you take your boyfriend on holiday with you? The pros and cons

BOYFRIENDS think you’re going on holiday together just because you’re in a 'serious relationship'. How presumptuous. Let’s look at the pros and cons of leaving them at home.

Horny woke man worried his fantasies are problematic

A HORNY man committed to political equality and social justice is carefully vetting his wild sexual fantasies for problematic content, he has confirmed.

Dad realises the only reason he's been brought on holiday is to carry the bag everywhere

IT has dawned on a father that his family has only invited him on holiday so he can lug their stuff everywhere like a pack mule.