Lifestyle

WOMEN have been informed that body positivity’s time has passed and being thin with large breasts is their new look.

THE radiant sunshine beating down on the country has revealed that everyone has been wallowing in their own filth for the last few months.

YOU probably think it’s great having the biggest penis in Britain, but big cocks aren’t all plain sailing. Sometimes, like King Midas, I wonder if my donger is a curse, not a blessing.

MILLENNIAL slang is out of date and should be replaced by Gen Z slang, apparently. Here’s how to look ‘with it’ even if no one has a f**king clue what you’re saying.

THERE’S no one, single way to live your life, but there are plenty of stupid quotes you shouldn’t listen to. Sadly, idiots swear by all of these.

YOUR most pretentious and wanky friend is enjoying a holiday in Japan, it has emerged.

A WOMAN who has suffered a life-changing injury is consoled that her upcoming visit to the hairdresser will have fewer awkward silences.

KEEP hearing people talking about their ‘Shein hauls’ and don’t know what the hell they’re on about? You’re probably confused and suspicious about these other brands too.

A MAN looking back on a miserable adolescence ruined by bullies has come to the conclusion that, on balance, he probably deserved it.

CERTAIN things are the height of cool when you’re in your teens and 20s. But once you hit 30, they quickly become deeply, deeply tragic. Including these.