A WOMAN whose body has adjusted to holding a takeaway coffee in every waking moment is no longer able to stand upright without one.
The centre of gravity of busy millennial Lauren Hewitt, aged 32, has permanently shifted so she can no longer walk or stand without the balancing weight of a coffee cup in one hand.
She said: “My local coffee shop was closed. No problem, I thought, I’ll get one down the street. But when I tried to walk I veered left until I toppled over sideways.
“I have to have a coffee. It’s impossible for me to walk without one. It’s not the weight – I can manage with an empty cup for up to 600 yards, due to the placebo effect – but the familiar presence of consumer capitalism in my left hand.
“My body has adapted so much the fingers are beginning to fuse together in a grip shape, like a Lego hand. To be fair my boyfriend’s found compensations there.”
She added: “It’s counterbalanced by my phone being permanently in my right hand. But that can’t be changed. It’s my phone.”
