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What the f**k is a kipper, asks anyone under 40

THE UK has apparently been stitched up like a herring that has been split, gutted, smoked and is now, to widespread horror, served up for breakfast. 

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Why Sydney Sweeney is in fact mid, by your girlfriend

By Hannah Tomlinson, aged 34, flat-chested and brunette with glasses in the way that you claimed you liked women to be, Tom

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