Lifestyle

The London Eye, and other things your London mates are too up themselves to visit

PLANNING to stay on an IKEA sofa in the tiny flat rented by a London mate? Here are six things they definitely won’t be going to during your visit.

How to guiltily explain to your millennial friends that your parents are buying you a house

HAVE you spent years moaning about being part of ‘generation rent’ but now your parents are bunging you some cash for a house? Here’s how to explain it to your pissed-off friends.

Bitching about others behind their backs counts as a hobby, claim women

SECRETLY slagging people off is in fact a hobby and not a toxic behaviour, women have asserted.

Six hospitalised in stampede caused by woman 'curious about vinyl'

A WOMAN who expressed mild curiousity about the benefits of vinyl is directly responsible for a stampede which crushed six, police have confirmed.

22 New Year resolutions that show you've hit a new low

WAS 2023 somehow, for you personally, the worst year of the decade so far? Have you resolved to turn things around? Are these your hopeless resolutions for 2024?

Woman getting ready for New Year's Eve party won't be done by midnight

A WOMAN getting ready to go to a New Year's Eve party is looking increasingly unlikely to be finished before midnight.

Couple still holding out for extravagant celebrity party with free bar

A COUPLE have refused to make any New Year’s Eve plans in the hope that they will be invited to a fabulous, star-studded party.

Ten festive things to try shoving up yourself this Christmas

BORED over the festive period? Also horny and transgressive? You can only penetrate yourself with these once a year.

Christmas a hard time of year for the lonely, the poor, the single, the married, the rich, the old, the young, the sick and the healthy, experts confirm

A STUDY has found that everybody is justified in finding this time of year a bit of a pain in the arse.

Lego opened, Lego built, Lego f**king boring

GIFTS of Lego have been opened, built and are now sitting there being as dull as shit.