Lifestyle

ZOMBIE knives in the news make you feel pathetically cosseted and middle-class. But by tweaking the facts, you too can have the benefits of a rough upbringing.

WHEN you’re achieving as much in life as me and Angela Rayner – for her being deputy Labour leader, for me rearranging bird ornaments – it needs to be documented.

DIGGING around in the foetid mud of the Thames among the accumulated rubbish of the past 200 years is a shit way to spend a Saturday, it has emerged.

STRUGGLING to chime in at the pub due to your terrible social skills? Make it through to last orders in one piece with this guide.

PANIC is rising as you will be forced to flush a toilet in someone else’s home for a second time, it has emerged.

TEENAGERS from comfortable homes are ready to regale their peers with their complex traumas for an unforgettable first night at university.

THE younger generation has warned it will increase its production of ridiculous slang unless its demands are met.

A HOUSEHOLD is holding a ceremony to officially mark the start of months of competitive heating-related feuding.