Lifestyle

A FASHIONABLE hairdo is essential when looking for love. But be careful you’re keeping up with the times, as these outmoded styles will only lead to wanking alone now.

AN odious terror of a toddler is allowed to scream and thrash about in museum cafes because he looks darling in his Boden dungarees, his parents have explained.

A 49-YEAR-OLD man closes his eyes and imagines he is in an endless B&Q whenever he is stressed.

WHILE idling in traffic, do you wish you were that twat who always manages to be slightly in front of you? Here’s how to win this tiny victory.

FOR young people, the idea of hitting 30 means everything is over. If you’re older than that, have a good cry, because these experiences can never happen in your remaining 50 years.

A WOMAN is wondering whether she should brave a vacant public toilet cubicle where the lid is sinisterly shut.

BRITAIN’S white middle-class teenagers attending excellent schools have slipped effortlessly into speaking like Jamaican roadmen again.

EXPERTS have warned that ‘being yourself’, as celebrities and self-help gurus urge everyone to be, is only a positive if you are not a total arsehole.

LETTING agents have requested your last three years’ payslips to ensure you are giving them every penny you earn for your poxy one-bedroom flat.

THERE are some activities in life that women are celebrated for, while men are branded as perverts. Here are some of the double standards.