THE Lake District has unveiled a new advertising campaign reminding the public that travelling there is always to be regretted and never, ever pays off.
The National Park and Area of Outstanding Natural Beauty hopes to discourage holidaymakers by stressing the crowds, the rain, the piss-poor attractions, the rain, the traffic jams, the rain, the prices and the rain.
Countryfile presenter Helen Skelton, the closest thing the spirit-crushing region has to a celebrity, said: “Remember your last visit to the Lakes? How you swore you’d never come back?
“Queuing down the M6, a sodden tent crammed into the boot, the children fighting out a Kendal mint cake high, not an item of clothing dry? You promised yourself you’d never be fooled again. It’s time to keep that promise.
“Whether trudging around Beatrix Potter’s cottage or being enveloped in a sudden downpour at Castlerigg stone circle, a weekend in the Lakes is always to be bitterly regretted. It’s a place where even the sheep are suicidal.
“There’s nothing like not seeing our majestic lakes and mountains as they’re enveloped in a permanent mist as you f**k your car’s clutch by taking the wrong turn up a pass with a one-in-four gradient. So go anywhere else. You’ll be happier.”
Following the launch of the campaign, families who think it has put everyone else off have gone to the Lakes regardless and are queuing around Thirlmere for four hours behind a coach full of pensioners.
