Each other: The boring things new couples find f**king fascinating

NEW couples are notorious for turning people’s stomachs with their displays of affection and zest for life. Here are five dull as ditchwater things they somehow find fascinating.

Five jobs given to a man that will need doing again

MEN have split the atom and conquered space, yet struggle with simple tasks surely no one could f**k up. Here are five that will need doing properly afterwards.

The boyfriend's guide to surviving buying tampons

YOU’VE asked your girlfriend if she needs anything from the shops and she’s asked you to pick up some tampons. Here’s how to cope with this terrifying ordeal. 

Creepy man in his 30s dating 19-year-old to protect her from other creepy men in their 30s

A 33-YEAR-OLD man is only dating a girl 14 years younger to protect her from older men with bad intentions, he insists.

Poetry, and four other things people pretend to be into to get laid

SUCCESSFULLY appearing attractive is impossible by just being yourself. Pretending to like these things will make you more shaggable.

Woman can't be arsed with eating outside if it's only with her boyfriend

A WOMAN cannot be bothered to sit in the cold outside a restaurant now that restrictions have lifted if the only person eating with her is her boyfriend.

Five social media posts that show you're not getting any sex

IN a long-term relationship, trying not to think about how little sex you're having? Unfortunately, you're giving yourself away online.

'Small human' and other nicknames twats give their kids

YES, they are technically humans who are small, but it’s still a bloody stupid and twee thing to call kids. Here are the most annoying nicknames for children used by parents.

Six people you're not allowed to find attractive

ALL'S fair in love and war, right? No. Because if you fancy the wrong person you are a terrible individual or even a pervert. So under no circumstances fancy these people.

The five best household chores to do so your partner gets the shit ones

WANT to skive off household chores? Do these just-about-tolerable ones to show you’re doing your bit while your partner gets stuck with properly shit tasks.