Man who bought oversized teddy for date who didn't turn up to take it home and f**k it

A MAN who bought a five-foot tall teddy bear for a date who stood him up plans to take it home and f**k it, he has confirmed.

'We know what you're up to after we've gone to bed,' say women

WOMEN have advised men everywhere that they know full well what they get up to after they have gone to bed.

November? Conceived pissed on rosé on Valentine's Day: what your birth date says about you

EVER looked at your birthdate and wondered how and in what drunken accident you were conceived?

A lover's guide to delivering the perfect Valentine's Day from the all-night garage

FORGOTTEN Valentine's Day? In a desperate panic? Here's how to delight your loved one with generic tat from the nearest open shop.

Watching porn together, and other ways to make sex awkward this Valentine's weekend

WANT to make things profoundly awkward between you and your partner this Valentine’s weekend? Try these tips.

How to prove to your partner you always have it worse than them

THE rock-solid foundation of any successful relationship is a never-ending battle to prove you’re the most shat on. Employ these tactics.

Dear Donna: Should I send my work crush a Valentine's card even though he's married?

MY boss is the dreamiest man alive. He’s got a high-powered job, he’s the life and soul of every party and recently I seem to always be by his side.

'My sofa's inexplicably caught fire': six ways to get off the phone from your mum

MUM refusing to get off the phone? Cut the call short and save yourself a load of earache with these excuses.

Unimaginative man thinking of own girlfriend while having a wank

DESPITE the endless alternatives available to him, an unimaginative man has chosen to masturbate while thinking of his girlfriend.

We'll have sex every day, new couple promises

A COUPLE who have been going out for three weeks have pledged to continue having sex every day for the rest of their relationship.