Relationships

IF THE public wants to read about an affair I had in the mid-90s, I will give them what they want. These are my sex tips. Read on.

A BUSINESS-SAVVY boyfriend has paid £108.90 on lingerie for his partner with hopes of returning significant gains from his investment.

THERE’S nothing better than the feeling of two warm, strong hands obstructing your windpipe as you approach climax. So why are men so reluctant to be choked?

TWO people who used to be in a relationship are still good friends whenever neither of them is in a relationship, they have confirmed.

A 45-YEAR-OLD man is unable to decide between training for a marathon or sleeping with a woman in his office.

A WOMAN is playfully seeing how her new boyfriend will react to a pitiless dissection of everything he is, enjoys, or hopes to be.

A MAN trying to get his girlfriend to dump him has only now realised how bad his behaviour could have been throughout the relationship.

A YOUNG couple who share every activity are each independently desperate to do stuff away from that other bastard for a change.

THE wives of middle-aged miserable men have agreed that this curious phenomenon is entirely unrelated to their own behaviour.

THINK my condition, that of wanting no-strings-attached sex with multiple women, is no more than selfish, objectifying lust? Wait until you hear the cool name I’ve given it.