'So I was good enough for you during the hard times but now you've run off to your fancy villa in Greece?'

OH, you were glad enough of me in 2020. And 2021. You fell into my loving embrace and told me how important I was to you. But where are you now? F**king Zante.

How to break it to your partner they're turning into an unappealing porker

IT’S a challenge facing countless couples - how to tell your partner they’re turning into a wobbly lardarse with tact and sensitivity. Here are some ways of addressing the situation.

Eating, sleeping, and breathing: five things you're doing wrong according to your partner

YOU naively imagine you mastered the basic functions of life as a child, but in the view of your live-in partner you’re wrong. These issues must be addressed.

21 f**kboi opening lines on Tinder

MATCHED with a hottie on Tinder? Want to make the worst possible first impression? Start the conversation with these fuckboi opening lines.

Five ways good friends secretly hate each other

GOOD friendships are built on shared interests, emotional support and clandestine loathing. Here are the reasons even the closest of pals secretly despise one another.

At a conference, and other situations where having an affair is fine

CHEATING is morally reprehensible, unless done in one of the following sanctioned scenarios. Serial philanderer Julian Cook explains.

The top five emotional blackmail techniques your mum will use on you this week

WHILE some take up wild swimming and other knit, your mother’s favourite hobby is wearing down your spirit. Here’s how this week’s psychological warfare will go.

Man down to two acceptable conversation topics with father-in-law

A MAN has seen the already limited areas of small talk he can engage his father-in-law in whittled down to just two, it has emerged.

Virile, dashing young bachelor back on the market, announces The Sun

THE Sun has reported that Rupert Murdoch, a virile young buck with an impressively large dick, is back on the market.

How to get just the right amount of drunk on a date

TOO much booze and you’ll remember nothing, too little and you’ll see the other person for who they really are. Both are to be avoided, so here's how to get your level of drunkenness on a date just right.