Treacherous woman gets pregnant without telling friend first

A WOMAN is livid that her friend got pregnant without first checking with her that it was acceptable.

The wanker's guide to chatting up the new barmaid

THE new barmaid has been ignoring you so far but that’s not because you’re twice her age, she’s just playing hard to get. Here’s how to use your charms to win her round:

The Pope's guide to shagging

PEOPLE need to have more children instead of pets, according to Pope Francis. Here the 85-year-old celibate explains how to start making babies. 

Mum would rather son never got round to thank-you letter than send a thank-you text

A MOTHER has admitted that it will hurt not to receive a thank you letter from her 29-year-old son, but not as badly as receiving a thank you text.

Mum would be ten times better at your life than you

A MOTHER has confirmed that if she had been in her daughter’s shoes for every major decision in her life, it would have worked out much better.

Man singing Auld Lang Syne hasn't even texted his acquaintances

A MAN heartily singing Auld Lang Syne barely even bothers to send an emoji to old mates, it has emerged.

Cousins feeling obliged to pretend they're mates

A GROUP of cousins at a Christmas family gathering are feeling under pressure to pretend they know the first thing about each other’s lives.

Family struggling to find anything to talk about in awkward gap between Christmas and next Christmas

A FAMILY who spent Christmas together are struggling to navigate the weird bit between now and Christmas 2022.

Woman regresses to moody 15-year-old the second she walks into parents' house

A WOMAN returning to her parents' house for Christmas has regressed into her bad-tempered 15-year-old self.

Couple spending first Christmas together realise they each do Christmas wrong

A COUPLE spending their first Christmas together were shocked to realise that they each have entirely incorrect Christmas traditions.