A BRIDE whose new husband reflected in his wedding speech ‘she has made him a better person’ has admitted that it was not much of a job.
Hannah Tomlinson, aged 31, confessed to guests she significantly improved the life of 35-year-old Tom Logan in their first week together by persuading him to buy a shower curtain.
She said: “I appreciate him saying it, but then I did write the speech. Last night, 10pm, he was too pissed.
“But it was no challenge to transform him from the unshaven bin rat I first stumbled across to this hottish rodent husband. An electric toothbrush, mandatory gym membership and a ‘no PornHub at the dinner table’ rule and he’s 150 per cent up on what he was.
“The tough stuff – Lynx Africa is not air freshener, sell-by dates are not a conspiracy and on a related note there is no ‘Big Dairy’, and cunnilingus – took longer but we got there. I hope to maintain him at this peak of about two-thirds as good as me.
“The key skills for improving a man are love, positive reinforcement and consistently low expectations. Also in marriage.”
Logan said: “I don’t see why I had to have a speech. I was just going to tell the story of what happened to Simon in the titty bar in Riga.”
