Relationships

INITIATING the act of love is a fine art. Don’t mess it up by taking your cue from any of the following.

WANT to call someone an irritating bellend but can’t get away with it in present company? Try using these phrases instead: .

A COUPLE who regularly scream insults into each others faces at point-blank range are adamant that it only makes their relationship stronger.

A SINGLE man and single woman who keep seeing each other’s faces pop up on dating apps both find the other pathetic for still being there.

GOT yet another partner who isn’t sure what they want only that it definitely isn’t a lifetime with you? Never mind, there are ways to make your situationship sound more glamorous than it is.

A LOVED-UP couple are taking a gentle evening stroll through the mud, mulch and loose twigs covering every path near their house.

ADOLESCENT boys are incredulous at their good fortune in being able to date teenage girls, who outrank them in every possible way.

A MAN has realised, five years after the fact, that his last conversation with his girlfriend centred on her ending their relationship.

COMMUNICATING your sexual wants can be difficult. It can be awkward, it can make your partner feel judged and your mouth may already be busy. Use these instead.

A USELESS boyfriend on the brink of being dumped is convinced that buying lingerie will keep the relationship alive.