Relationships

A WOMAN has unlocked new efficiencies in her packed weekly schedule by preparing ahead of time a selection of complaints, insults and resentments to fire at her husband.

DATING can be depressing, not least because women have to pretend to think men are fascinating in order to stroke their egos. If you hear any of these comments, please understand that she is being wildly insincere.

A MAN who has explicitly stated that he is a ‘nice guy’ on his dating profile does not feel the need to follow up this claim by being pleasant.

A WOMAN has taken her commitment to live by traditional wifely values all the way by having an affair with a sexy stable boy.

A WOMAN has announced she is so much better than everyone else in Britain she must wed an Italian.

GETTING it on with a hot stranger only to be faced with their dead grandma staring back at you? Here are some more tats guaranteed to put you off your stroke.

A MAN is putting on the performance of a lifetime pretending he is entirely new to a show he has already binge-watched while his girlfriend slept.

GIRLFRIENDS often have an interest in some form of spirituality, which is confusing to boyfriends blinded by rationalism. Here are some of their typical belief systems.

A MAN has confirmed his sudden, mid-lovemaking enthusiasm for cunnilingus is in no way related to the impotence he is currently experiencing.

A MAN offered the opportunity to decide what TV show to watch is unaware the outcome has already been decided.