Relationships

Rory Stewart, and six other men you suspect to be expert at cunnilingus

AS Cher said, if you want to know if he loves you so it’s in his kiss. And she did not mean upstairs. These famous men live to go down, you can see it in their faces.

Everyone on dating apps has f**ked everyone else

EVERYONE on every dating app has f**ked everyone else on every other dating app, leading to a fall in usage.

Ex who has life together wants to reconnect

YOUR ex-partner who has not contacted you in years now has a life worth envying so would love to meet you for a coffee.

Netflix murderers, and other people who shouldn't be having a better love life than you

IT’S emerged that murderer Lyle Menendez, recently featured in a Netflix true-crime drama, is dating a young British student. And he’s not the only undeserving person who’s having more sexual success than you...

Neither member of couple enjoying sexy lingerie

NEITHER member of a couple are finding a basque and suspenders sexy despite both enthusiastically pretending to, it has emerged.

'How did you get that scar?': A guide for bullshitters

TRYING to impress a woman? Has she noticed a minor scar on your otherwise, you believe, unblemished body? These lies should get her into bed.

"No-one suffers more from my commitment phobia than I do"

A COMMITMENT-PHOBIC man has explained the condition which has condemned him to a life of meaningless hook-ups and serial infidelity deserves nothing but sympathy.

Inattentive boyfriend yet to realise he's in polyamorous relationship

AN apathetic man is unaware he and his girlfriend are in a polyamorous relationship, it has emerged.

The sound of rutting foxes, and other inappropriate prompts for suggesting sex

INITIATING the act of love is a fine art. Don’t mess it up by taking your cue from any of the following.

'Feisty', and other ways to describe someone when you really want to say 'f**king annoying'

WANT to call someone an irritating bellend but can’t get away with it in present company? Try using these phrases instead: .