A MAN who has bothered to learn the basics about astrology could get laid every night of the week, he has confessed.
28-year-old Joshua Hudson, whose repeated attempts to get sex by being sensitive were a failure, instead learnt about sun signs, moon signs and rising signs and is bringing it home from every date.
He said: “Horoscopes were interesting to me because they make women feel good while being told blatant lies, which is a lot like dating.
“But f**k me, do they go for it. Knowing which house a planet’s in makes me come across as some sort of cosmic David Tennant. They can’t get enough.
“I don’t have a clue what time I was born, and I definitely didn’t want to ask my mum that in order to get shags. But ChatGPT’s willing to make it up and they’re willing to believe. Reel it off over a Zizzi calzone and all the ladies get wet for you.
“Even when not technically aligned with theirs I can bullshit my way through and whether or not Gemini predicted it I’m tuned into my emotions, guiding my destiny and banging away from behind.
“Compatibility issues have loopholes. Most girls can’t wait to discuss that topic after a few expresso martinis, concluding with a one night stand regardless of whether the zodiac saw that happening. I’d high five Venus in Taurus if I could.”
