Who put that flabby twat George Osborne in charge of the UK’s finances?

Dear Holly,

Who put that flabby twat George Osborne in charge of the UK’s finances? It’s stay-at-home wine-lover mums like me who are set to get it in the neck. Yet no doubt his own mother was necking the Pinot by 9.30am just to cope with having such an odious wanker of a child.

Heather 

Melton Mowbray 

Dear Heather,

Cash flow is a problem for us all just now. My mummy and daddy recently stopped my pocket money because I told Brown Owl that my daddy wanted her to be his girlfriend.

I also told her that my daddy wanted her to come over to the house in a pretty dress for a romantic meal.

Poor old Brown Owl must have been pretty excited to finally have some adult male company, it was just a shame that my mummy was in the house at the time.

I think it was a shock to everyone when Brown Owl tried to get off with my father as he was answering the door but we can all laugh about it now; except Brown Owl, of course.

Hope that helps

Holly